Layers

We've had to make some pretty tough decisions lately. One of those decisions was to determine where we were going to live once the door for our home closed. My mother in law graciously has offered her home as a place for us to temporarily stay. I chuckle when I use the word temporary because when we had to move in with my mother years ago it was only going to be for six months..tops. Over the course of our time together, she ended up moving with us to our home and that lasted for 12 years. So you just never know what the word temporary means.

This decision of our move has brought to the surface many things in my own life that God has decided it was time to deal with. When God decides to work on the layers of your life, He means business and He gets right to it. He only lets you wander around for a time and then it's time to do some more refining.

One of the things that has struck me as interesting is the fact that over the past two years we've been stripped of what I thought was most everything. I'm not talking about just materially but emotionally and in character, in who we are and where we are with Christ. This has lead us to a breaking and liquified state for God to be able to work with and reshape into something more like Him. However, as I have found out recently, there are still layers upon layers that have to be scrubbed off for the new layers to grow. I seriously feel, at times, like my skin is being ripped off of me. It's agonizingly painful. But it's necessary as we grow in a closer relationship with Christ.

One of the things I'm really struggling with is that my mother in law's home is approximately an hour north of where we live currently. It's on 40 acres in the country. I never imagined myself living in the country with no Starbucks on the corner away from all our friends, our church, our community. Now my plan is to still drive to our church and its activities for the kids and our small group, to still be involved in our homeschool group so there is tons of driving in my future. Everything is going to become a road trip. I really don't want to rip the kids out of everything that they are involved in. This has been extremely tough on them also.

I have faced the fact that those could be more things that God has planned for us to give up which is disheartening just thinking about. It is one thing to have chosen this road for ourselves and an entirely different thing to have it chosen for you. It takes more to work through it. To me, this feels very much like I'm being placed on a deserted island. I know that He ordains all of our steps even those in the middle of the country or in the middle of a city. There is no place that He does not see and I will not be out of His sight.

Sometimes I just don't understand why God would place us somewhere where we have no friends, where my children are away from all they are familiar with, where we have to drive, drive and drive some more. I do realize that people do this all the time but it is a completely different way of life for me and for us. My husband had to remind me that God is in the country too. That He knows what our needs are there just as much as He knows what they are here. He's right and I am thankful for that reminder.

It's pretty easy to give in to a despairing, discouraged and upset attitude. It is in that place that our eyes and our heart is clouded to what God can do. I keep trying to figure out how this whole ordeal can possibly be best for us but that is where faith has to come in. As my husband lovingly reminded me just this evening, faith has absolutely nothing to do with your eyeballs. It has everything to do with our soul, our relationship with Christ. Sometimes He asks us to do some pretty agonizing things and just trust Him even when nothing makes any sense at all.