I can't believe we have been in this home for a month now. We are still unpacking and settling in but it feels like home. The kids have resumed their happy noise making and are easing into somewhat of a routine. I feel like I can breath a sigh of relief once again.
We recently scheduled an appointment for Ryan with a psychologist. The appointment went really well and I thought the doctor was wonderful with him and with me as I explained some of our concerns. The outcome was that he didn't really want to get Ryan on a regular counseling schedule. He thought that Ryan was working through all that he has faced while we lived up north really well. The only problem that he saw was that Ryan was having a hard time processing through the stuff at night and it's getting stuck in his dreams.
So we have to encourage him to talk about his nightmares when he's up in the middle of the night. I thought this could be fun trying to form coherent conversation at 3 or 4 am. But it is important for him to talk about it so that this monster can get smaller and smaller. So that is what we are trying to do. So far, he hasn't been able to talk about them. He is afraid that it will keep happening over and over again so he refuses to say a word about it. However, the other night he did let it out that all his dreams were of my nephew coming after him. I guess that is progress. Baby steps.
He also keeps checking with me to make sure that they don't know where we live. So we have to do lots of reassuring and lots of reassuring. The doctor indicated this could be a lengthy process and to make sure he feels safe and loved. Big indicators that he does need regular counseling would be if he withdraws from the things he normally loves including the people around him, if he becomes sullen and does things out of character for him. If he starts hurting himself. So far, he's a happy little kid with great adventures to unfold as he continues to grow and learn with some horrible, horrible nightmares thrown in there.
We are continuing to pray that God will heal his heart and his mind erasing the terrible things that brought him to this point. I know that God will do that for him and we as his parents can love him and support him through this. With God, ALL things are possible and we hold onto that promise.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Safe Haven
I've sat here for about half an hour trying to decide how to write this post, restarting it over and over again. It's not one I ever wanted to write about. My heart is heavy and it is hurting in so many ways.
A few weeks ago, I was scheduled to take my mother to a doctor's appointment first thing in the morning. I got up, got myself ready and headed out the door. My 8 year old son discovered that I was about to leave and became hysterical, clinging to me as if his life depended on it which is quite out of character for him. He has really loved having 40 acres to explore along with the animals he's been trying to tame and become friends with. He usually asks me if he can come along but if the answer is no, I get a kiss and off he goes on one of his adventures.
This time, though, was very different. The more I tried to leave, the more he clung to me, to the car and was sobbing uncontrollably. I finally got out of the car and took him inside to have my husband help me so that I could leave. Once things were a bit more settled or so I thought, I got back into my car to head out. Ryan came running for the car crying and crying and stood in front of it so that I couldn't get the car out of the driveway. At this point, I was getting quite concerned and quite irritated but thought that we would deal with what was going on after I got home. So in my irritated voice, I firmly told him to step aside so I could get by.
At this point, he finally listened a bit, enough for me to get the car onto the road and started heading down it. Then I hear this awful, heart-wrenching, blood-curdling screaming going on. I looked in my rear-view mirror and there he was. My dear son was running down the road after my car begging me not to leave him home. I immediately stopped the car and ran to him. I knew at that point that something was dreadfully wrong.
I ended up taking him with me. While my mother was in with the doctor, I took him for a walk and we talked. He told me about some pretty bad things that had been happening to him to the point he did not feel safe, he felt betrayed and he was terrified. Let me just clarify that at this point, no sexual abuse has come to light but instead, Ryan felt his life was in danger. That is a terrible, terrible thing for a young child to ever experience.
When we first moved to my mother in law's home, we were the only family there at that time. However, a short time later, my two nephews moved in and then eventually their mother came to live there too. They haven't come from a good home situation which led us to have concerns from the beginning. We immediately put rules in place for our children to help keep everyone safe. No matter how many rules you have, or how safe you try to make things, sometimes bad things happen anyway.
My 14 year old nephew had been hurting my son to the point that Ryan thought he was going to die. My heart is aching and hurting for Ryan who is still struggling with awful nightmares and having problems sleeping through the night. We immediately began praying that God would provide for the situation and HE did.
God provided a tiny two bedroom home, a safe haven, for us to move into. So we moved quickly to get Ryan out of that situation. We are so thankful for the ones who helped us move again, for those who helped clean, for that crazy painting lady who loves to buy cleaning products and are rejoicing at God's provision of a home to rent. I am still in awe at how the events moved into place at just the right time for us to move and the provision that was poured out onto us to get us there. So we say thank you, thank you and thank you not only to you, dear friends but to our Lord Jesus Christ who is our Provider, our Comforter and our Deliverer.
A few weeks ago, I was scheduled to take my mother to a doctor's appointment first thing in the morning. I got up, got myself ready and headed out the door. My 8 year old son discovered that I was about to leave and became hysterical, clinging to me as if his life depended on it which is quite out of character for him. He has really loved having 40 acres to explore along with the animals he's been trying to tame and become friends with. He usually asks me if he can come along but if the answer is no, I get a kiss and off he goes on one of his adventures.
This time, though, was very different. The more I tried to leave, the more he clung to me, to the car and was sobbing uncontrollably. I finally got out of the car and took him inside to have my husband help me so that I could leave. Once things were a bit more settled or so I thought, I got back into my car to head out. Ryan came running for the car crying and crying and stood in front of it so that I couldn't get the car out of the driveway. At this point, I was getting quite concerned and quite irritated but thought that we would deal with what was going on after I got home. So in my irritated voice, I firmly told him to step aside so I could get by.
At this point, he finally listened a bit, enough for me to get the car onto the road and started heading down it. Then I hear this awful, heart-wrenching, blood-curdling screaming going on. I looked in my rear-view mirror and there he was. My dear son was running down the road after my car begging me not to leave him home. I immediately stopped the car and ran to him. I knew at that point that something was dreadfully wrong.
I ended up taking him with me. While my mother was in with the doctor, I took him for a walk and we talked. He told me about some pretty bad things that had been happening to him to the point he did not feel safe, he felt betrayed and he was terrified. Let me just clarify that at this point, no sexual abuse has come to light but instead, Ryan felt his life was in danger. That is a terrible, terrible thing for a young child to ever experience.
When we first moved to my mother in law's home, we were the only family there at that time. However, a short time later, my two nephews moved in and then eventually their mother came to live there too. They haven't come from a good home situation which led us to have concerns from the beginning. We immediately put rules in place for our children to help keep everyone safe. No matter how many rules you have, or how safe you try to make things, sometimes bad things happen anyway.
My 14 year old nephew had been hurting my son to the point that Ryan thought he was going to die. My heart is aching and hurting for Ryan who is still struggling with awful nightmares and having problems sleeping through the night. We immediately began praying that God would provide for the situation and HE did.
God provided a tiny two bedroom home, a safe haven, for us to move into. So we moved quickly to get Ryan out of that situation. We are so thankful for the ones who helped us move again, for those who helped clean, for that crazy painting lady who loves to buy cleaning products and are rejoicing at God's provision of a home to rent. I am still in awe at how the events moved into place at just the right time for us to move and the provision that was poured out onto us to get us there. So we say thank you, thank you and thank you not only to you, dear friends but to our Lord Jesus Christ who is our Provider, our Comforter and our Deliverer.
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
First Day
Today was our first official day of the new school year. I always have this wonderful idea in my head that it will go well, that the kids will embrace the day, that all the knowledge that I'm trying to impart into their cute little heads will be accepted and that they will be so happy to be learnin'.
That NEVER happens. In fact, it's quite the contrary. I'm usually fighting to round them up. I'm usually fighting to get them to admit that their school books even exist. I'm usually watching them put their heads down on the table in great dismay exclaiming loudly that they know enough to live.
Today was no different and I, being the seasoned homeschooling mother that I am prepared myself ahead of time and guess what??? They didn't let me down. They fulfilled my every expectation! Ryan played dodge em' like he usually does avoiding all and any parent that might get him to actually sit down for five minutes. Grace gasps loudly at every subject that was brought up like she is just so shocked that we have more to do. Aaron grumbled because he couldn't get his letter 'A' just right so we have to start over again and again, and Brad did his usual keep your head down, don't make eye contact with the teacher and look like you are learnin' something and you won't get noticed.
So I guess I would definitely say that today was one of great success! The kids may have not got much out of their lessons today but I sure did! I need a tee shirt that says...'I survived my first day of school!' On the back it should say...'It was a little iffy in the morning but then, lunch happened....
That NEVER happens. In fact, it's quite the contrary. I'm usually fighting to round them up. I'm usually fighting to get them to admit that their school books even exist. I'm usually watching them put their heads down on the table in great dismay exclaiming loudly that they know enough to live.
Today was no different and I, being the seasoned homeschooling mother that I am prepared myself ahead of time and guess what??? They didn't let me down. They fulfilled my every expectation! Ryan played dodge em' like he usually does avoiding all and any parent that might get him to actually sit down for five minutes. Grace gasps loudly at every subject that was brought up like she is just so shocked that we have more to do. Aaron grumbled because he couldn't get his letter 'A' just right so we have to start over again and again, and Brad did his usual keep your head down, don't make eye contact with the teacher and look like you are learnin' something and you won't get noticed.
So I guess I would definitely say that today was one of great success! The kids may have not got much out of their lessons today but I sure did! I need a tee shirt that says...'I survived my first day of school!' On the back it should say...'It was a little iffy in the morning but then, lunch happened....
Monday, September 07, 2009
Holding On
I knew that moving would be difficult. It's never easy moving in with relatives or other people for that matter. You have different views on life, you make different choices and you live differently. Those differences are sometimes unacceptable to and even offensive to others. The road to living has many good choices, they are not all wrong. Sometimes we are not willing to allow people to be who they are and simply love them but instead, stand in judgment and criticism hanging on to our own rightness.
This is one of the most difficult circumstances that I've ever had to endure. We are very much hurting and feeling that attacks are coming from all different directions. My flesh does not want to embrace this, it wants to run as far and as fast as I can. However, God has made it clear to us that we are to hang tight and stand in His Grace. This is not simply something we are living in the flesh but in the spiritual realm as well. The answers that apply to life's situation, don't necessarily apply to this one. God's plan is different and it's contrary to what the world tells us.
God calls us to love and to pray when we feel we are in the midst of persecution (Matthew 5:44). It's easy to read that verse and agree with it; but, what happens when you are placed in a situation that you cannot get away from, a place where you don't want to cut off relationships, a place where it's evident and words have indicated that you are unacceptable. I know that in my human flesh that I cannot accomplish what God asks of me. I don't want to return good for hurt. I don't want to love and to pray for those whose words hurt me. My flesh wants this to end, to find another place to live so that my children can sleep well, a place where there is no tension, a place of rest. Instead, God has asked me to stay until He is done with us here.
That is agony. It is pure agony to give up what you want and to let God be God. It has to do with our will and our selfishness; it has to do with our pride and our desire to be right. I have to keep surrendering it to God and to keep asking Him constantly to give me HIS love to share. My love is broken and it's insufficient but His love is complete. He promises to give us what we need to accomplish the task before us. We may not necessarily know what that task is, but He knows. I have to trust and I have to hang on to Him and His word as if my life depended on it to get through to the other side.
It is easy to hold onto all the harsh words, to be offended and to lash out but God wants us to make a choice to let go of all that baggage. I've been guilty on many occasions of holding onto bitterness and anger, to hold onto those offenses but all it's done is hurt me. It's made my heart heavy and my sleep interrupted. Holding onto bitterness, anger and offenses rip health and wholeness from you. I believe that many of our health problems are stemmed from anger, bitterness and unforgiveness. I have examples of in my own life of people who have chosen to live a life of peace, like my dear Grandpa and then, people who have chosen a life of grudges. It ages you physically.
So what do I want? My number one desire is to be in the center of God's will no matter how difficult the circumstances are. I want to be able to love and forgive easily. I do not want to hold onto offenses and hurts. God has given me the opportunity to let go off those and to ask forgiveness. The most important moments are when God gives us the opportunities to right the wrongs and we actually seize those moments. His desire is for our obedience and He is so pleased when we are. It gives him lives He can bless and use.
I am so very weak and feel often times that God doesn't have much to use in me. I can't even trust myself to keep my mouth shut or to say the right things, words that are of love and not anger. So I humbly ask God to forgive me and to show me the way He wants me to go again and again. I'm so thankful for God's grace and His mercy because without it....I'm just a wretched sinner.
This is one of the most difficult circumstances that I've ever had to endure. We are very much hurting and feeling that attacks are coming from all different directions. My flesh does not want to embrace this, it wants to run as far and as fast as I can. However, God has made it clear to us that we are to hang tight and stand in His Grace. This is not simply something we are living in the flesh but in the spiritual realm as well. The answers that apply to life's situation, don't necessarily apply to this one. God's plan is different and it's contrary to what the world tells us.
God calls us to love and to pray when we feel we are in the midst of persecution (Matthew 5:44). It's easy to read that verse and agree with it; but, what happens when you are placed in a situation that you cannot get away from, a place where you don't want to cut off relationships, a place where it's evident and words have indicated that you are unacceptable. I know that in my human flesh that I cannot accomplish what God asks of me. I don't want to return good for hurt. I don't want to love and to pray for those whose words hurt me. My flesh wants this to end, to find another place to live so that my children can sleep well, a place where there is no tension, a place of rest. Instead, God has asked me to stay until He is done with us here.
That is agony. It is pure agony to give up what you want and to let God be God. It has to do with our will and our selfishness; it has to do with our pride and our desire to be right. I have to keep surrendering it to God and to keep asking Him constantly to give me HIS love to share. My love is broken and it's insufficient but His love is complete. He promises to give us what we need to accomplish the task before us. We may not necessarily know what that task is, but He knows. I have to trust and I have to hang on to Him and His word as if my life depended on it to get through to the other side.
It is easy to hold onto all the harsh words, to be offended and to lash out but God wants us to make a choice to let go of all that baggage. I've been guilty on many occasions of holding onto bitterness and anger, to hold onto those offenses but all it's done is hurt me. It's made my heart heavy and my sleep interrupted. Holding onto bitterness, anger and offenses rip health and wholeness from you. I believe that many of our health problems are stemmed from anger, bitterness and unforgiveness. I have examples of in my own life of people who have chosen to live a life of peace, like my dear Grandpa and then, people who have chosen a life of grudges. It ages you physically.
So what do I want? My number one desire is to be in the center of God's will no matter how difficult the circumstances are. I want to be able to love and forgive easily. I do not want to hold onto offenses and hurts. God has given me the opportunity to let go off those and to ask forgiveness. The most important moments are when God gives us the opportunities to right the wrongs and we actually seize those moments. His desire is for our obedience and He is so pleased when we are. It gives him lives He can bless and use.
I am so very weak and feel often times that God doesn't have much to use in me. I can't even trust myself to keep my mouth shut or to say the right things, words that are of love and not anger. So I humbly ask God to forgive me and to show me the way He wants me to go again and again. I'm so thankful for God's grace and His mercy because without it....I'm just a wretched sinner.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Another Year Older...
We recently celebrated Ryan's 8th birthday. Eight sounds so very grown up and he is trying to do that too fast!
In the process of moving and not being able to find a thing, my sister came to my rescue and threw a little birthday party for him. She cooked him up one of his favorite meals, hot dogs. She purchased a yummy cake and of course, ice cream too.
He was thrilled with his presents which were superheroes, another favorite. He's not too picky when it comes to superheroes. He likes just about all of them. Believe it or not, one of his favorite gifts was socks and his new Spiderman tennis shoes. Wonder what walls he's going to try to climb this year?
He is enjoying being out in the country where there is lots of places to run. He was thrilled to play with Grandmom's dog, Diego. I asked him the other day why he wasn't playing with the dog as much and he told me that he was a working man now. One of his most favorite things in life is to do projects around the house with his Dad, his Uncle Tim or anyone that comes over to do repairs. He asks lots and lots of questions and amazingly, does quite well when given the opportunity to help. He is not afraid to get his hands dirty or dive into cleaning out the chicken coop filled with old nasty stuff. He, in my opinion, is an amazing kid!
We pray that this new year is full of adventure, lots of exploring and growing in the knowledge of God and how much He loves all of us.
Happy 8th birthday, Ryan!
In the process of moving and not being able to find a thing, my sister came to my rescue and threw a little birthday party for him. She cooked him up one of his favorite meals, hot dogs. She purchased a yummy cake and of course, ice cream too.
He was thrilled with his presents which were superheroes, another favorite. He's not too picky when it comes to superheroes. He likes just about all of them. Believe it or not, one of his favorite gifts was socks and his new Spiderman tennis shoes. Wonder what walls he's going to try to climb this year?
He is enjoying being out in the country where there is lots of places to run. He was thrilled to play with Grandmom's dog, Diego. I asked him the other day why he wasn't playing with the dog as much and he told me that he was a working man now. One of his most favorite things in life is to do projects around the house with his Dad, his Uncle Tim or anyone that comes over to do repairs. He asks lots and lots of questions and amazingly, does quite well when given the opportunity to help. He is not afraid to get his hands dirty or dive into cleaning out the chicken coop filled with old nasty stuff. He, in my opinion, is an amazing kid!We pray that this new year is full of adventure, lots of exploring and growing in the knowledge of God and how much He loves all of us.
Happy 8th birthday, Ryan!
Sunday, August 09, 2009
I'm Back....
Wonder where I've been?
We moved to the country and apparently, it takes lots and lots of time to settle in, unpack boxes which aren't emptied yet and to find things.
The move went pretty smoothly. We had lots of help from friends and family which were a complete blessing. We are so grateful for the willing hands who stepped in to help us in so many different ways.
The kids seem to be adjusting pretty well and are enjoying getting to know their Uncle Tim much better. Whenever I see him, there is a couple kids following him around. I think it's wonderful that they have this opportunity to enjoy him in a way that isn't quite possible without moving in.
Through Tim's invitation, Brad, has met some people who are responsible in this town for a organization called Young Life. It's an organization that meets with young people in the schools, in the surrounding areas and is able to introduce them to Jesus Christ. Although Brad is already a believer, there are many opportunities for God to use him in this organization. Tim and Brad have both volunteered at the local county fair cleaning up trash, watching the inflatables and whatever else needs to be done and are donating their time/pay towards kids being able to attend a camp that is sponsored by Young Life.
I am amazed already at how God has taken this opportunity of us moving in with my mother in law and is opening doors for our family. Although not an ideal situation in my mind, God knows the plans He has for us and can only work if we are willing to walk the path that God has chosen for us no matter how uncomfortable it may be. It is hard to get our eyes off of what is seen and on to what is unseen.
All I can see around me is quite depressing with all the losses we have endured these past few years. I have to ask myself, if my faith in God is real, why do I not trust that He has what's best for me in His plan and in His will. I think somewhere in my heart, I base God's love on whether I'm in a comfortable situation or not. God never promised that this life would be easy nor did He promise that I would get all the things that I would want. He is after what is eternal and if that means I must endure some tough situations that help build my character and refine my relationship with Him, then that is what is going to happen.
I can fight it which I will tell you I have. I've felt, at times, like I've wrestled with God. It's my will against His will. God gives us the gift of free will but if you are truly a believer, your hearts desire will be that your will is in alignment with God's will. He has allowed me to flail, run and throw my temper tantrum and now He's giving me the opportunity to really embrace what He has for me here. I see a glimpse of it and for me, it's going to be extremely hard. However, I know that He promises to give me what I need to accomplish what He has set before me. He has also promised to give me courage and strength which I desperately need daily.
We moved to the country and apparently, it takes lots and lots of time to settle in, unpack boxes which aren't emptied yet and to find things.
The move went pretty smoothly. We had lots of help from friends and family which were a complete blessing. We are so grateful for the willing hands who stepped in to help us in so many different ways.The kids seem to be adjusting pretty well and are enjoying getting to know their Uncle Tim much better. Whenever I see him, there is a couple kids following him around. I think it's wonderful that they have this opportunity to enjoy him in a way that isn't quite possible without moving in.
Through Tim's invitation, Brad, has met some people who are responsible in this town for a organization called Young Life. It's an organization that meets with young people in the schools, in the surrounding areas and is able to introduce them to Jesus Christ. Although Brad is already a believer, there are many opportunities for God to use him in this organization. Tim and Brad have both volunteered at the local county fair cleaning up trash, watching the inflatables and whatever else needs to be done and are donating their time/pay towards kids being able to attend a camp that is sponsored by Young Life.I am amazed already at how God has taken this opportunity of us moving in with my mother in law and is opening doors for our family. Although not an ideal situation in my mind, God knows the plans He has for us and can only work if we are willing to walk the path that God has chosen for us no matter how uncomfortable it may be. It is hard to get our eyes off of what is seen and on to what is unseen.
All I can see around me is quite depressing with all the losses we have endured these past few years. I have to ask myself, if my faith in God is real, why do I not trust that He has what's best for me in His plan and in His will. I think somewhere in my heart, I base God's love on whether I'm in a comfortable situation or not. God never promised that this life would be easy nor did He promise that I would get all the things that I would want. He is after what is eternal and if that means I must endure some tough situations that help build my character and refine my relationship with Him, then that is what is going to happen.I can fight it which I will tell you I have. I've felt, at times, like I've wrestled with God. It's my will against His will. God gives us the gift of free will but if you are truly a believer, your hearts desire will be that your will is in alignment with God's will. He has allowed me to flail, run and throw my temper tantrum and now He's giving me the opportunity to really embrace what He has for me here. I see a glimpse of it and for me, it's going to be extremely hard. However, I know that He promises to give me what I need to accomplish what He has set before me. He has also promised to give me courage and strength which I desperately need daily.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Sold Out
I've been contemplating what it means to be sold out to Christ. I used to think it was this person, much like one of Jesus' disciples, who gave up all he had and followed Christ. I envisioned that it was someone who was a missionary or a pastor or a ministry leader, someone who was a strong spiritual leader with a flock of sheep to tend to.
I was wrong. Being sold out to Christ is so much more than that. It's more than just believing in God, in trying to do what is right and in helping those along the way. Being sold out to Christ is giving all of your heart to Christ and letting him have complete control over your life. Many times we only let God have the safe parts, the parts where God can't mess with too much to make life uncomfortable.
It's fighting our strong will to get into alignment with God's will. It's choosing to live like God calls us to in His word. What His word tells us to do is quite the opposite of what the world tells us we should live by. Do you have the courage and the boldness to live like scripture calls us to?
We as American Christians are in great danger. We have access to money and so many things that it is extremely easy to replace our dependence on God for a dependence on ourselves and on our things. This happens so easily and so subtly that the believer is unaware of it until God removes the blinders on his eyes through adversity. We personally know this as we found ourselves in this position when my husband lost his job and then health problems entered our lives.
You suddenly realize where you have mistakenly placed your trust, your belief and your dependence. When those things are kicked out from underneath you and you no longer have those things, you are like a man in the middle of the ocean who cannot swim, who needs to desperately hold onto something that will keep him afloat.
I think many times we take God for granted. We think that we have all the time in the world to get our hearts right before him. We get busy with experiencing and doing life, taking care of our kids, running here and running there that God takes the back burner. Sometimes we even accept Christ but then only pull Him out when we are in trouble or need something. This only leads to a lukewarm, shallow relationship with Him. I can't help but wonder if a lukewarm, shallow Christian who only pays attention to God when he needs something will enter the gates of Heaven. God mentions that in Revelation 3:16. (So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.)
We have this mistaken idea of who God is. He doesn't always deliver us from every little trouble in the way we think. Instead He is the Father who uses trials and adversity to refine, shape and mold us into who we are meant to be...more like Christ, before He moves us on to the next thing. He is not a sugar daddy in the sky dropping money and mansions in our lap randomly, (He proves our stewardship in the little things, before He gives us the big things... for His use, to be used as conduits for HIS kingdom and not our own) and He most certainly is not a vengeful God who is ready to take you out everytime you make a mistake.
God is a Holy, a Righteous and a Just God who detests sin but He is also ferociously protective of His children, He is full of mercy, grace and He is extremely patient. He has also provided a way out of our sin but we have to be willing to accept that gift, the gift of salvation through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. He is always after our hearts and wants all of His creation to come unto Him, giving up all of our hearts to Him so that He can work and move in our lives.
What if you are one of those people who thought you were a believer or a christian but haven't really paid much attention to your relationship with Him, calling on Him in the midst of trouble only to find out you are the drowning man in the middle of the ocean with nothing to hold onto to. Do you really want to find out that the God you thought you had was just a mere illusion instead of a relationship?
I encourage you to dig into the scriptures and see how God wants us to live and then be bold and courageous enough to put it into action. Don't be deceived into thinking you've got this relationship with God under control or that you will deal with it later. What if you are wrong?
I was wrong. Being sold out to Christ is so much more than that. It's more than just believing in God, in trying to do what is right and in helping those along the way. Being sold out to Christ is giving all of your heart to Christ and letting him have complete control over your life. Many times we only let God have the safe parts, the parts where God can't mess with too much to make life uncomfortable.
It's fighting our strong will to get into alignment with God's will. It's choosing to live like God calls us to in His word. What His word tells us to do is quite the opposite of what the world tells us we should live by. Do you have the courage and the boldness to live like scripture calls us to?
We as American Christians are in great danger. We have access to money and so many things that it is extremely easy to replace our dependence on God for a dependence on ourselves and on our things. This happens so easily and so subtly that the believer is unaware of it until God removes the blinders on his eyes through adversity. We personally know this as we found ourselves in this position when my husband lost his job and then health problems entered our lives.
You suddenly realize where you have mistakenly placed your trust, your belief and your dependence. When those things are kicked out from underneath you and you no longer have those things, you are like a man in the middle of the ocean who cannot swim, who needs to desperately hold onto something that will keep him afloat.
I think many times we take God for granted. We think that we have all the time in the world to get our hearts right before him. We get busy with experiencing and doing life, taking care of our kids, running here and running there that God takes the back burner. Sometimes we even accept Christ but then only pull Him out when we are in trouble or need something. This only leads to a lukewarm, shallow relationship with Him. I can't help but wonder if a lukewarm, shallow Christian who only pays attention to God when he needs something will enter the gates of Heaven. God mentions that in Revelation 3:16. (So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.)
We have this mistaken idea of who God is. He doesn't always deliver us from every little trouble in the way we think. Instead He is the Father who uses trials and adversity to refine, shape and mold us into who we are meant to be...more like Christ, before He moves us on to the next thing. He is not a sugar daddy in the sky dropping money and mansions in our lap randomly, (He proves our stewardship in the little things, before He gives us the big things... for His use, to be used as conduits for HIS kingdom and not our own) and He most certainly is not a vengeful God who is ready to take you out everytime you make a mistake.
God is a Holy, a Righteous and a Just God who detests sin but He is also ferociously protective of His children, He is full of mercy, grace and He is extremely patient. He has also provided a way out of our sin but we have to be willing to accept that gift, the gift of salvation through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. He is always after our hearts and wants all of His creation to come unto Him, giving up all of our hearts to Him so that He can work and move in our lives.
What if you are one of those people who thought you were a believer or a christian but haven't really paid much attention to your relationship with Him, calling on Him in the midst of trouble only to find out you are the drowning man in the middle of the ocean with nothing to hold onto to. Do you really want to find out that the God you thought you had was just a mere illusion instead of a relationship?
I encourage you to dig into the scriptures and see how God wants us to live and then be bold and courageous enough to put it into action. Don't be deceived into thinking you've got this relationship with God under control or that you will deal with it later. What if you are wrong?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
