Sunday, January 22, 2012

Healing hearts

I didn't post a whole lot last year for a couple of reasons. The first reason was that we were in the process of having to move since the owners of the house we were renting were selling it. It's not always easy trying to find a house that will fit everybody's needs and still fit into your budget!

We spent a lot of time praying for God's direction for this and saw His hand move time and time again from house to house. The answer mostly was the closed door. This can be discouraging after a time especially when faced with a time factor. Why does panic always set in when we are faced with the midnight hour? God promises to provide. He promises never to leave us or forsake us and yet, I find myself grasping onto the panic and not the promise.

God opened the doors wide open to a house not anywhere where we were originally looking and certainly not what I was expecting. When He moves, He MOVES. He moved us to a beautiful, big house in the country. It has been such a blessing to us and continues to be. God's ways are always way more than what we can imagine if we allow Him to work. Every morning when I look out the window, I am just again awed at what He has done and oh, so thankful for His graciousness to us!

The second reason for my absence in posting is in all that we've gone through in the past five years, we've taken tons of criticism and all out lies/gossip for the decisions we've made and for what is happening in our lives. This does not encourage one to open up about oneself but instead to pull in and be silent. This isn't always a good way to handle it and I admit that perhaps it's not the healthiest of ways either. I've been really concentrating on asking God to heal my wounded heart and to help me with forgiveness. It's hard. It's really, really hard.

I don't really understand why people don't believe the best in you especially when your past history shows your integrity, your love for God and how you live your life. Ever since Bob got sick, we've spent much time on our knees before God seeking His will and how to proceed. Sometimes, you don't get direct answers and it's a process of putting one foot in front of the other, praying the whole time that you are doing the right thing. We are human and we ALL make mistakes. Not one of us will do everything right. The hardest thing is when the people closest to you, no longer are there with support but words of criticism and betrayal. That is heart-wrenchingly wounding.

This makes me think how very much we, God's precious creation, must grieve His heart with our actions, with our words, with the yuckiness that we allow in our hearts. It helps me to remember to try my hardest to not kick a man when he's at his lowest point but to offer words of comfort, to not stand by and watch the suffering if there is anything I can do. To always be on alert for others who are hurting is something that has been on my heart. Suffering will do that. It will make you more sensitive to others or it will make you a hard, bitter person. It's your choice.

Thirdly, when you move to the country and there are lots and lots of trees, your internet options are limited. We do have internet but it is sporadic and sometimes not too reliable. I find that we have to take trips to local 'hot spots' to try to download stuff that is important. I guess it's a trade off....beautiful nature to enjoy for your high speed internet.

Life would be boring without all these obstacles and challenges, right?? God sure has a way of using what you are going through whether it be internet challenges or people challenges to work out issues within your own heart. I am grateful that He sees fit to think I'm worthy enough to want to make me into what He has in mind for me.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare[a] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope!

Monday, January 16, 2012

Another year....

I recently enjoyed another birthday. It's tough to face that time is rolling forward faster than you are ready to admit. Oh how I wish it would slow down. There is so much to enjoy, so much to yet experience and so much that God has put before us to accomplish for Him. I guess it's a real reminder to not take one moment for granted, to not put off what we can do now and to seek God every day so that we are growing and learning more and more about Him.

My birthday is getting quite comical. Never in my wildest imagination would I ever dreamed that my kids would fight over who is going to make me breakfast for my birthday. I did suggest maybe they work together but they all individually want to make sure I'm blessed by them in their own way. They all have their own ideas about what to make or what to do and I guess that some of those ideas collide with the other ideas. My oldest recently told a friend of his that with as many siblings as he has, you have to make an appointment to do something with his mother for her birthday. I'm finding the truth in that. So why not make this a whole month of celebrating? I would enjoy that, for sure!

My five year old wanted us to make sure we woke her up as soon as we could because she didn't want to miss one minute of the birthday celebrating. She also mentioned for my birthday, her gift to me was that she was going to be sure to do everything I told her to do! That is an awesome gift in my opinion! She made me a beautiful card with lots and lots of balloons on it. She is super cute and I am blessed by her love for me!

My eight year old also made me an adorable card. One of the things that struck my heart is that he wrote, "God loves you and so do I". His understanding of how much God loves his children is amazing. Sometimes, I wish I could grasp hold of it like he does. His heart is sensitive to our Lord and he has been blessed with a deep understanding of God's word that blows my mind. His addition to my birthday breakfast was Cheezit's. He sat next to this birthday girl to make sure I was enjoying my breakfast to it's fullest while watching to make sure I ate every bit and to give me a detailed explanation of his love and God's love for me. Truly a blessing he is to me!

My ten year old has been looking forward to this special day, counting down the days with his brother to make sure they didn't miss it. He helped make the special breakfast of eggs over easy on a toasted hot dog bun because we were out of bread. I'd say they are pretty creative coming up with some ideas! When he got up, he got the paper, crayons and paint ready for everyone to make their cards for me before I woke up. He was very busy trying to make sure everything was just right....even made sure I had my coffee! The day before he got busy scrubbing down my cupboards and counter tops for my birthday gift. He told me that he's been saving up all his love for me so that on my birthday it could just burst out! Boy, did I get a chuckle from that comment.

My oldest daughter was so excited for this day to come. She's been planning and planning on a special birthday dinner and dessert and she did wonderful. I am so thankful for her attentiveness to my birthday and her desire to make it super special. We had chicken caesar wraps, salad and peanut butter pie that was topped with peanut butter cups, melted chocolate and peanut butter. It was so absolutely delicious. She also made ice cream sandwiches with homemade chocolate chip cookies for anyone who didn't want pie. I was so incredibly blessed by her gift of dinner and dessert!

My oldest son took me out for lunch at the Chinese buffet the day before to celebrate. I think he likes the one on one time. He actually can talk to me without getting interrupted! Some days that is quite a challenge. It's hard when you are in such high demand! He is growing up so fast and is acting more and more like an adult by the minute. Again, can we slow things down a bit? I remember when he was such a little squirt. Seems like only yesterday.....

My dear husband was able to sneak away with me for a rare, quiet lunch together. I cherish those moments especially since it doesn't happen very often. He has declared this month a birthday month for me and his desire is to bless me the whole month long with doing things for me whether it be cleaning my microwave out (don't laugh, that is a blessing to me since I can't seem to get anybody to do it and can't quite get to it myself) or bringing me my coffee or sending me texts full of appreciation and love for me. It's been a joy being the recipient of all those things. It's amazing what the little things do for this heart of mine! He's a great guy! I'm truly a blessed woman!

The whole day was absolutely wonderful! I am feeling full to the top not only with all the food of the day but full of the love of my family. It's good to be reminded of their love and care. It certainly helps me swallow the fact that I am another year older.

Thursday, January 12, 2012


I love that my girls have each other. There is nothing quite like a sister can be. There is so much to share with each other, so much that you experience growing up together, so much you have in a sister. Believe it or not, I've told my kids that they can be 'best friends.' Gasp! I know! The very idea of it! But, I know it can happen! I love seeing their relationships grow and develop. I love how much they miss each other when one is away from the other.

Recently, my older daughter got a chance to spend some much needed time with her best friend. She was gone for two whole days. Kara, our five year old, missed her so much. She even had herself a good cry when she first left and spent the next two days counting down the minutes till the return of her beloved older sister was here. It's good to be missed!

One of the most awesome things that I love to hear is when Grace, Kara and Liliana get together in the other room and I hear the giggling girls. It warms my heart to see how Grace will take them and have tea parties, paint their toenails, do crafts with them and all around have fun together. The little ones eat that up like it was candy!

It truly is a blessing to have sisters who are also your friends.

Sunday, January 08, 2012

Happy New Year!

Can you believe it is already the beginning of a brand new year. Where did last year go, I ask myself? Seems like as you get older that time seems to go faster and faster. Maybe it's just me or maybe that is how it is.

We had a great Christmas season. Spent time making special treats, building a gingerbread house which the kids loved, enjoying our new home and the beautiful outdoors. There is something about the country and freshly fallen snow. It's beautiful. The city seems to suck the life out of it and I didn't notice that till I've just recently experienced some of the changing seasons in our new home in the woods.

Watching our littlest one experience the tree, the lights, the snow, the cookies was delightful. It usually is. You forget from year to year to look at things from a little person's perspective. Perhaps that is why Jesus has a special place in his heart for them. Their innocence and trust in Him without abandon must truly touch the heart of God. I know when those little eyes look to me to comfort, to provide, to care for whatever is the need at hand squeezes at my own heart.

I am so thankful for the gifts and blessings that the Lord has graciously given to me and my family. I think of where we are and what we are experiencing now and I know without a shadow of a doubt that it was the hand of the Lord. I am so glad that He loves us and that He has provided a way for us to be with Him in eternity...through his birth, life, death and resurrection...we can truly live.

Happy New Year!