Healing hearts

I didn't post a whole lot last year for a couple of reasons. The first reason was that we were in the process of having to move since the owners of the house we were renting were selling it. It's not always easy trying to find a house that will fit everybody's needs and still fit into your budget!

We spent a lot of time praying for God's direction for this and saw His hand move time and time again from house to house. The answer mostly was the closed door. This can be discouraging after a time especially when faced with a time factor. Why does panic always set in when we are faced with the midnight hour? God promises to provide. He promises never to leave us or forsake us and yet, I find myself grasping onto the panic and not the promise.

God opened the doors wide open to a house not anywhere where we were originally looking and certainly not what I was expecting. When He moves, He MOVES. He moved us to a beautiful, big house in the country. It has been such a blessing to us and continues to be. God's ways are always way more than what we can imagine if we allow Him to work. Every morning when I look out the window, I am just again awed at what He has done and oh, so thankful for His graciousness to us!

The second reason for my absence in posting is in all that we've gone through in the past five years, we've taken tons of criticism and all out lies/gossip for the decisions we've made and for what is happening in our lives. This does not encourage one to open up about oneself but instead to pull in and be silent. This isn't always a good way to handle it and I admit that perhaps it's not the healthiest of ways either. I've been really concentrating on asking God to heal my wounded heart and to help me with forgiveness. It's hard. It's really, really hard.

I don't really understand why people don't believe the best in you especially when your past history shows your integrity, your love for God and how you live your life. Ever since Bob got sick, we've spent much time on our knees before God seeking His will and how to proceed. Sometimes, you don't get direct answers and it's a process of putting one foot in front of the other, praying the whole time that you are doing the right thing. We are human and we ALL make mistakes. Not one of us will do everything right. The hardest thing is when the people closest to you, no longer are there with support but words of criticism and betrayal. That is heart-wrenchingly wounding.

This makes me think how very much we, God's precious creation, must grieve His heart with our actions, with our words, with the yuckiness that we allow in our hearts. It helps me to remember to try my hardest to not kick a man when he's at his lowest point but to offer words of comfort, to not stand by and watch the suffering if there is anything I can do. To always be on alert for others who are hurting is something that has been on my heart. Suffering will do that. It will make you more sensitive to others or it will make you a hard, bitter person. It's your choice.

Thirdly, when you move to the country and there are lots and lots of trees, your internet options are limited. We do have internet but it is sporadic and sometimes not too reliable. I find that we have to take trips to local 'hot spots' to try to download stuff that is important. I guess it's a trade off....beautiful nature to enjoy for your high speed internet.

Life would be boring without all these obstacles and challenges, right?? God sure has a way of using what you are going through whether it be internet challenges or people challenges to work out issues within your own heart. I am grateful that He sees fit to think I'm worthy enough to want to make me into what He has in mind for me.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare^[a] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope!

Happy New Year!

Can you believe it is already the beginning of a brand new year. Where did last year go, I ask myself? Seems like as you get older that time seems to go faster and faster. Maybe it's just me or maybe that is how it is.

We had a great Christmas season. Spent time making special treats, building a gingerbread house which the kids loved, enjoying our new home and the beautiful outdoors. There is something about the country and freshly fallen snow. It's beautiful. The city seems to suck the life out of it and I didn't notice that till I've just recently experienced some of the changing seasons in our new home in the woods.

Watching our littlest one experience the tree, the lights, the snow, the cookies was delightful. It usually is. You forget from year to year to look at things from a little person's perspective. Perhaps that is why Jesus has a special place in his heart for them. Their innocence and trust in Him without abandon must truly touch the heart of God. I know when those little eyes look to me to comfort, to provide, to care for whatever is the need at hand squeezes at my own heart.

I am so thankful for the gifts and blessings that the Lord has graciously given to me and my family. I think of where we are and what we are experiencing now and I know without a shadow of a doubt that it was the hand of the Lord. I am so glad that He loves us and that He has provided a way for us to be with Him in eternity...through his birth, life, death and resurrection...we can truly live.

Happy New Year!

Welcome back!

As you noticed, I recently took a break from the blog world but I'm baack! Aren't you excited? Ha! Life has continued on at rapid speed and we've had much life happen as we have bumbled along which I will share with you in the future.

I just wanted to take a moment to let you know that I haven't forgotten you or lost interest in writing about our adventures. Right now we are enjoying the changing seasons from the bright, beautiful fall colors to the first flurries that are tickling our noses.

Stay tuned...

Blindsided By Bubbles

Do you ever have those moments while you are out shopping and you find something that appears really fun for the kids so you get sucked into buying it? Well, I've had many of those occasions. I'm sure I'll have many more. I'm feeling impelled to share one of those lovely experiences with you.

I was recently perusing the local Target store which is one of my absolute favorite stores to do this in. I can very easily lose track of time there. I happen to come across these cute little bottles of bubbles. The kids absolutely love bubbles. Bubbles are a fun anytime kind of activity.

These bubbles were a very special kind. They happen to come in many colors. Have you ever seen fun colored bubbles? Crayola Colored Bubbles. They sounded like so much fun. I could envision the beautifully colored bubbles floating through the air with the lovely sounds of squeals of delight coming from all the kids. Oh how very fun these were going to be!

First, as a mother whose gone through many trying

moments of panic because a kid had ingested a fun product and/or had ruined a few pieces of clothing, made sure that they were non-toxic and washable. Check. Second, as a mother who has many children who tend to fight over whose toy is whose, made sure that she got each child a different color so we would know whose was whose. Therefore, hopefully bypassing a few squabbles. Now I realize they could potentially fight over the color but we are thinking good thoughts here. Check. Third, as a mother whose bought many items through the years, made sure it was a good, tried and true product. Bubbles have never let me down. Check

I happen to have had to be gone all the next day and the kids were anxiously awaiting the time when they could test out these very fun bubbles. It is no fun waiting and waiting when you know there is something you just need to test out. How can you resist fun? Why would your mother make you wait so long?? Apparently, the kids were nagging their father to be able to play with them. It was just too cold for them to do them outside so he suggested they go down and blow them in the basement.

During the day, I get a phone call telling me that the landlord and the washing machine repairman are coming over around 5:30 p.m. I come in the door around 5:00 p.m. and just happen to glance down the stairs as I was flying into the house to throw dinner together. All of the sudden, it hits me that what I saw was pure madness of color....everywhere. I went back to take look and found colorful bubble splotches everywhere. When I say everywhere I mean everywhere. Ceiling, floor, walls, shelves. I hear they were having a bubble race and Aaron won. They also mentioned they didn't like the color of the walls and they decided they were going to help with that.

All I could think of is that the landlord and the repairman were going to be there momentarily and that is what they were going to see. So after asking my husband what possessed him to suggest the kids blow the bubbles in the basement, I asked my oldest son to help me clean it up rather light speed like.

Thank goodness the floor is laminated and the walls are also so it was a fairly easy clean up. It was just a rather big area with little bits of time to do it in along with it not really being the best time for it to have happened. But is it ever? I wish I could have gotten a picture because a picture is worth a thousand words.

To top off this little experience, the next day, early in the morning, while the parents were still sleeping, the cute little kids decided to go at it again with those lovely bubbles. This time I got a picture but it just isn't the same because they had used most of the bubbles up the day before. Hopefully, you will see a small glimpse of the fun they had.

I have since seen the commercial for this product. I see all the kids running around outside blowing the colorful bubbles having a grand time and I think to myself, perhaps, they should have consulted my husband and had the next scene show a dad telling the kids to blow them downstairs in the basement and then enters the mom....

I'm Back....

Wonder where I've been?

We moved to the country and apparently, it takes lots and lots of time to settle in, unpack boxes which aren't emptied yet and to find things.

The move went pretty smoothly. We had lots of help from friends and family which were a complete blessing. We are so grateful for the willing hands who stepped in to help us in so many different ways.

The kids seem to be adjusting pretty well and are enjoying getting to know their Uncle Tim much better. Whenever I see him, there is a couple kids following him around. I think it's wonderful that they have this opportunity to enjoy him in a way that isn't quite possible without moving in.

Through Tim's invitation, Brad, has met some people who are responsible in this town for a organization called Young Life. It's an organization that meets with young people in the schools, in the surrounding areas and is able to introduce them to Jesus Christ. Although Brad is already a believer, there are many opportunities for God to use him in this organization. Tim and Brad have both volunteered at the local county fair cleaning up trash, watching the inflatables and whatever else needs to be done and are donating their time/pay towards kids being able to attend a camp that is sponsored by Young Life.

I am amazed already at how God has taken this opportunity of us moving in with my mother in law and is opening doors for our family. Although not an ideal situation in my mind, God knows the plans He has for us and can only work if we are willing to walk the path that God has chosen for us no matter how uncomfortable it may be. It is hard to get our eyes off of what is seen and on to what is unseen.

All I can see around me is quite depressing with all the losses we have endured these past few years. I have to ask myself, if my faith in God is real, why do I not trust that He has what's best for me in His plan and in His will. I think somewhere in my heart, I base God's love on whether I'm in a comfortable situation or not. God never promised that this life would be easy nor did He promise that I would get all the things that I would want. He is after what is eternal and if that means I must endure some tough situations that help build my character and refine my relationship with Him, then that is what is going to happen.

I can fight it which I will tell you I have. I've felt, at times, like I've wrestled with God. It's my will against His will. God gives us the gift of free will but if you are truly a believer, your hearts desire will be that your will is in alignment with God's will. He has allowed me to flail, run and throw my temper tantrum and now He's giving me the opportunity to really embrace what He has for me here. I see a glimpse of it and for me, it's going to be extremely hard. However, I know that He promises to give me what I need to accomplish what He has set before me. He has also promised to give me courage and strength which I desperately need daily.

The Plan

We received the notice from the court that the date was set for the eviction hearing. Friday was that day. We went and explained our situation and it was determined that they would give us 30 days. So we have to be moved out by the 13th of July.

I have to admit that this whole situation is just heart breaking. I don't understand much of it. Why when we are able to connect with our neighbors for the first time in ten years now have to leave? Why can't the doctors figure out what is going inside my husband's body so that he can get better and go back to work? The questions just go on and on. Much of why things happen are unexplainable but we are left with two options. We can either continue trusting in our Lord who tells us not to worry, to let tomorrow worry for itself or we can give up, turning our back on the One who has promised to give us what we need to face the day and all that is in it.

We continue to praise, worship and serve the Lord. Serve Him as we've never served Him before. We choose to hang on to the promises that are in His word even in the face of fear, of being stripped of everything, of the unknown. He is our God and we will not turn our backs on Him. We feel an urgency to be a voice of hope. A voice that shouts the glory of God and speaks of His faithfulness. We will not be silent.

It is extremely difficult to share the intimate details of our struggles with friends, with family and with those of you we haven't met but feel that God is calling us to do this. We feel very strongly that we need to encourage and to leave people with the hope that is in Christ. Even when life is falling apart around us, God has amazingly held us up and shown His love to us.

He loves all of us so very much and His desire is to have a relationship with all of us. He wants us to have a faith that is real. A faith that goes beyond the physical agony. A faith that is pure and righteous through the saving grace of the Lord God Almighty.

Many of you want to know what our 'plan' is but to be honest, we haven't any idea what that might be. It would be helpful in knowing what stuff to store, what stuff to give away but I just don't know. What I do know is that we need to box things up. Where the boxes are going is still up in the air. So our plan is this...we continue to trust God and seek Him for direction, for wisdom, for courage, for strength and that in His time, He will reveal to us what the plan is.

Over the last few weeks, my husband has been through many rounds of blood tests and an ultrasound which have revealed absolutely nothing except that he has a bit of a fatty liver which will clear up as he looses weight. However, a fatty liver does not and is not the cause of the extreme pain that he is in. So we are back at square one without a clue as to what is going on. It's a vicious cycle when you are on medication. One of the side effects is weight gain plus the fact that he hurts so very badly that exercising is extremely difficult. The doctor changed one of the weight gaining medicines out for another which will help with the weight loss and he is just trying to endure the pain while exercising.

In a normal situation, we try to do things to change the course of life. This, however, is one of those times when every avenue we've tried has had the door shut. All we have is to take what is before us, explore all options, and depend completely on God for His provision. He has been so faithful to provide. His promises are true as we've seen them worked out in our own lives. So we continue on....taking one day at a time relying on God's grace, His mercy, and His wisdom.

Transformation

The day has come. The day we've been expecting. But yet, the reality is excruciatingly agonizing. We received our notice from the court to start the eviction proceedings. It is tough facing all the emotions that come with it and even more so when they are coming from our children. I know that God is working through all this in my own heart and so I have to know that He is also working in my children's hearts as well.

The word transformation and purification has been running through my heart for a few weeks now. Usually when that happens, God is bringing me through a revelation process. It's usually something He wants me to get a hold of in my head and in my heart.

I was recently listening to a sermon and a phrase hit me hard. God is not interested in your temporary relief--He IS interested in permanent change. For example, our values, our heart condition, our purpose. So all these things that we agonize over and don't understand why they are happening are simply because without these struggles our growth spiritually is stunted and we remain shallow, baby Christians who need constant attention and are easily tossed in the wind.

God is fiercely after our hearts and our relationship with Him. Have you ever had a shallow relationship? There is really nothing to hold on to and it easily slips through your fingers. God doesn't want that from us. So we must go through some tough stuff to strengthen that relationship, to change who we are in Christ...to be a better reflection of who Christ is. Of course, when the tough stuff happens, we've got to do our part and that is to hang on to God with all that is within us and open our heart to what He is teaching us.

It's hard to fight our fleshly emotions. I have to fight all the time the thoughts that try to torment me like if God truly loved me, this wouldn't be happening or why is God punishing me. Those are wrong thoughts but yet, I wrestle with them. We have to remember that God fiercely loves us and if you have an understanding of the love you have for your child, then, you will then have a glimpse...just a glimpse of how God views His children. We also have to remember that Jesus Christ already paid the price for our sin so we are not being punished. There are always consequences to our choices and those consequences are what we must endure. We have to keep those things in right perspective.

Even though my flesh is in agony and it's a scary road that we walk, I've seen the transformation in my own heart and in the lives of this family. We've gone through a purification process. We've been broken and liquified so that we now have a better understanding of our faith, of who God is, of our relationship with Him and truly what is important.

We are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, we've still got much, much more to learn but I am saved by God's grace. His blood is what makes me clean and whole. His strength is what helps me have the courage to face each day. So even as we are looking at our eviction, I know that God is going to work all this out for His glory, His purpose and for our good. We place our trust and our hope in Him. No matter what may come, what the outcome may be, I want to be like Job who received the news of his children's death, his loss of all his finances, and the loss of all that he owned....He stood up, tore his robe in grief, shaved his head and fell to the ground before God saying....

I came naked from my mother's womb, and I will be stripped of everything when I die. The Lord gave me everything I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord! (Job 1:21)

Surprise Visitors

It is very unsettling when you realize the lock between you and the world beyond your front door could potentially not keep them out. We put a lot of faith in our front doors, our locks and our dead bolts. But what happens when your house has been foreclosed on? Do you still feel safe and secure? If we are not careful, fear could overtake us. We hear stories about the contents of the neighbor's house being thrown out on their front lawn by the sheriff. We hear stories of how realtors are demanding that people have to leave and then later find out that they themselves have moved in illegally. We hear stories about the tent cities and the rotation many homeless people are on in the state parks. How do we separate ourselves from the fear and anxiety that is everywhere we go?

Friday, we had a couple of visitors show up at our front door. One was a realtor that explained that he thought the house was unoccupied. He wanted to know what our plan was. He also wanted to come in and take a look at the inside. Of course, we haven't gotten any legal document from anybody other than the one we were served back in November stating that the house was going up for auction so he didn't get to come inside. My husband explained to him that the only thing that we have planned right now is to continue trusting that God will direct our steps and give us wisdom on what to do next.

Truly, saying that we are trusting God is not a pat answer. We really are diligently beseeching (to implore urgently) the throne of the Lord God Almighty for wisdom, direction, for guidance. We are not just sitting here idly, doing absolutely nothing. We are taking whatever computer work that comes our way. I, even, have put on a computer technician hat and am crawling under desks helping install computers. I never pictured myself doing that but you do what you can. I believe that God has put certain opportunities before us and I am trying to do the best that I can to take what God has placed here.

The second visitor showed up with a truck, trailer and lots of equipment. He arrived to board up the house. He was quite taken back that there was someone living in the home. I couldn't help but feel fear as I thought about what could have happened had we not been there. People leave their homes without taking anything. So in my thinking, we could have been away and come home only to find that our key wouldn't work, leaving us locked out of our own home. Could they just walk in? It is scary. It makes me not want to leave without someone being here to stop people from coming in.

There have been so many scary things that we've had to face and yet, God has been there to give us courage and strength to meet each of them. It happened that when the guy showed up to board up our home, some friends of ours were there. I believe that that was God's provision. They had come over to pray with us and to offer us their love and concern. The friends that showed up the next day, that called, that emailed just showered us with the confirmation that God was providing what we needed to face this. When you know that you have the strong support of friends and family, it enables you to pick yourself up and continue moving forward. Those were totally divine appointments.

In Proverbs 3: 5-6 it says that we are to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding, but in all our ways to acknowledge Him and He will make our paths straight. In order for us to combat fear, we have to realize that God is the one who passionately cares about our lives and is personally involved. We have to trust Him even when we do not understand all of what is happening. He may not remove the trials of the day from us but He has already arranged for us to see His glory even in the midst of tough times. If we believe that God promises to never leave us or forsake us than we have to know that He is there to work things out for us. He gives us what we need...to face what we have to face.

I do not know what tomorrow is going to bring, what we are going to have to face or what mountain we are going to have to climb. But, I do know that God is worthy to be praised no matter what is going on. He is faithful to provide. He is a passionate Father who cares very deeply for His children. He will take care of all of our needs and that includes giving me the peace and security that I need to look fear in the face and loudly proclaim that I have nothing to fear, that those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty, that He alone is my refuge, my place of safety, that He will shield me with his wings and His faithful promises are my armor and protection. (Psalm 91)

Dates

Dates. They are important to us. Birthdays. Holiday's. Graduations. Weddings. They signify the importance of people or events in our lives. But dates also represent some not so fun things. As much as I try not to fuss or worry about certain dates, they come. This past week our six month redemptive period came and went. It hurt. Not physically, however, I did feel sick to my stomach but emotionally and mentally.

I guess I was hoping something would happen to intervene. I realize that God is never late and that He is always an on time God but I couldn't help but be disappointed. It is so hard to get our eyes off of what we see around us and get them securely placed on where they should be. On God. He promises to take care of our needs and has done so over the last year. I know that He will continue to move on our behalf even in the midst of my feelings of insecurity. God is not bound by a piece of paper or a date or anything on this earth. He is God.

There are many things that do not make any sense. Most without any answers. But in spite of it all, we are to trust God. He is faithful. He has shown us that over and over again. He may not answer how I want Him to but He will provide for us. He knows the desires of my heart. He knows my thoughts. He knows every last detail of who I am and yet, He still created me. He created me in His image. How can I deny the love of my creator?

I will praise Him no matter what date comes and goes. I will praise Him when I'm at my lowest point. I will praise Him. My prayer is that all of this that we are going through is not for nothing. I know that we have grown spiritually as individuals and as a family but I want it to go beyond that. I pray that it will encourage others to fight for their faith. That it will be a testimony that points to God's faithfulness, that through it, you will see the real struggles, the real emotions and most importantly a faith that is real.

The Mop

Once upon a time we had a mop. It was several years old but it worked sufficiently except for the sponge head that was wearing out. Mop heads do that, they wear out from use. So I went on the search to find a new mop head replacement that would once again clean the floor like nobody's business. Little did I know that they discontinued that particular mop and I could not find a mop head to fit it, not even a generic. However, I was hopeful that I would eventually come upon one and all would be well with the world. So we waited and we continued to mop paying no mind to the disintegrated pieces that it left behind.

Time passed and more of my old mop crumbled away leaving one of the ends unattached giving it the name, floppy mop. This makes it incredibly difficult to get this task done and it also increases the frustration point of the user. Instead of paying for a counseling session on how to properly vent one's anger towards a mop, I decided that it was time to look for a whole brand new mop instead of just a replacement head before there was nothing left of the old one. I tend to procrastinate sometimes. This was one of those times until my husband happened to be with me on a trip to the store and strong armed me into purchasing one. I guess he likes clean floors.

Down the mop isle we went. I said maybe we should wait. He said today was a great day to buy a new mop. I looked them all over trying to choose just the right one. The one that would just make my mopping experience special leaving me with the desire to do more. After much consideration, I made my choice. It was the Clorox Butterfly Mop. How could you go wrong with a brand that makes you think clean and a mop that was named after a beautiful little fluttery thing?

I couldn't wait to get it home and use it but first, it needed to age a little. I lovingly placed it where the old one once rested sending the old one to the great mop retirement center in the sky. After days of sticky kool-aid and spilled orange juice made their mark on my dirty floor, I gave in and brought out the new, sure-to-clean Clorox Butterfly mop. I just knew that this was going to be the wonder of all wonders and was all set to show off my sparkling clean floor.

The floor was ready to receive the first swipe at cleanliness. One swipe, two swipes and snap! The mop head was removed from the handle leaving me reeling with such disappointment. What is this that I see, I asked myself? How could this be? My mop which was once whole is now in two pieces. But alas, out of the corner of my eye, I saw my knight in shining armor swoop in on his mighty white steed (his sock feet) and effortlessly save the day. He 'clicked' the pieces back together as they were made to come apart. He assured me it was all better and that I could continue on.

I am here to tell you that this was not nor continues to be the case. The more and more I use this mop, the quicker it comes apart. My exciting mopping experience has quickly dissipated into a Donald Duck episode. My ire is up and this mop has fallen from my graces. My husband heard me in a fit of anger and asked me what exactly was wrong with the mop and so I began to show him. Once it falls off, I can't get it back on and then, I'm left to use the mop head down on my hand's and knees. This does not make for a happy wife, I explained. He looked it over and gave it a try himself only it didn't come apart for him. This only sent more irritation up my spine. Why is it when someone else gives the thing a try, it works perfectly but when I use it, it falls apart a gazillion times. It apparently has a grudge against me.

The last straw was this week when a bout of throw up landed on the floor. I won't go into all the curdled details but a mop was very necessary. Out came the cleaner and then came the mop. One swipe, two swipes and snap! Try and try as I might, the mop head was resisting being put back together. I declared to everyone who would listen that I absolutely refuse to get down on my hands and knees with the stupid mop head and clean that mess up! We all have our limitations.

Being the compassionate wife and mother that I am, came to my senses and did clean up the mess. The smell and the heaving sensations throw up brings is a great motivator to get it out of sight as soon as one possibly can. However, I refused to use the mop. We are not on speaking terms. I suppose I should consider purchasing a new one. I now know what I want and don't want in a mop. But I'm scared to step out and try a new one....

A Do Over Birthday

You just never know how your day is going to turn out once you leave that cozy soft pillow and warm bed. Some days are filled with the ho-hum every day things you do in a 24 hour period and then there are other days....

Since last week didn't work out so well to celebrate my birthday, I decided that we would have a do over birthday this week and today was the day! I bounced out of bed at an early hour not because I was ready to embrace the day but because my two youngest just couldn't do without me. So sleeping in was crossed off the list and I gently and lovingly reminded myself that what mother could resist a child mentioning that she was needed. I put my best face forward, told my pillow that we would once again be together and went to attend to those little darlings.

As I savored my coffee between getting drinks and food for those sweetie pies who are just so cute and always hungry, I kept telling myself how very much it's good to be needed. There isn't much sitting down and slowly embracing the day when there is much to be done for the care of tiny ones whose little eyes full of trust look to you to take care of their every need.

My husband had mentioned to me that he wanted to take me out for a birthday lunch. After the flurry of getting ready and out the door, my husband noticed and lovingly mentioned to me when we got out to the car that our tire was completely flat. *Sob*. I was so looking forward to going out and was desperately telling myself to not be disappointed. I was so not going to be irritated over a stupid flat tire and ruin this day. We've had enough sadness to last us for awhile.

We tried the air compressor but it did nothing to help the tire along. Thank goodness my mother in law offered to come and pick us up to drop the tire off at the fix-it shop and she even offered to drive us to where we wanted to eat while we waited for the tire to be repaired. The trick was getting the tire off. My poor husband who is in excruciating pain daily had to help me and our oldest son try to get the tire off in 15 degree weather along with the snow. Ever hear of frozen lug nuts? Banging on them doesn't really help a whole lot. Somehow we got them off along with the tire and nobody got hurt! I was wondering just how many of us it was going to take.

It ended up good. We got to go enjoy my birthday lunch and the repair to the tire was done pretty quickly and without expense. The one thing I was determined not to do today in the midst of irritating events was to lose my joy. It is so easy to let one thing send your whole day into a tizzy and it affects everybody around you. Before you know it, everybody is upset, nobody is happy and that does not make for a great day.

The other thing that turned out great was that I saw the sunrise. How very glorious it was. It seems to me that lately they have been even more spectacular than usual. It was a beautiful orange that lit the sky all around. Only the creator himself could have come up with that. Thank you God for that today! You astound us with your paintbrush that illuminates the heavens.

Reviewing 2008

I'm a little behind but I wanted to highlight the events of 2008. Time goes by so fast and sometimes I forget all the adventures that we experience in that year. Although, there are some adventures that are worth remembering more than others. So here we go:

We continued fostering my cousins, Barbara and Sharlene which ended with them moving to another home that was more suited to the special needs that they had.

Bob's father passed away a year ago, today.

We came close to losing my brother in law, Dave, but God is the restorer of life and blessed our family with more time with him. He was able to be there when his precious daughter was born and continues to be a testimony of God's amazing miracles. God is good.

I became the mother of a teenager.

Family reunions. It's important to see, hug and reconnect with family.

Spent some time in the emergency room with Kara due to a little weed in our backyard called the Deadly Nightshade becoming a snack.

Became an addict of Facebook and twitter.

We lost our home, camper and Suburban.

More time with my kids and husband. Time is a gift.

But most importantly, through all the suffering we are enduring, I've seen God's hand at work. My relationship with the Lord God Almighty has grown and deepened in so many ways. For this, I'm so thankful.

Phew....after going through all the posts from last year, I feel like I need a nap! We've been through a lot. Remembering how crazy scared I was about some of the things that happened, I now look back and see how God provided for our needs. There are still so many unanswered questions and I don't know if I will ever have them all cleared up for our understanding but I do know that when you put your trust in God, He provides.

My spiritual journey this year has been stretched. There have been times when I've felt like I've wrestled with God. My will struggles to get in alignment with His will but yet, I seem to fail at getting it to mind. I know what I need to do but yet, my mind and my heart are warring against each other. I need to get what I've learned to take root and develop in my soul. I have such a need to be in control and to move these mountains that are before us and am constantly reminded that I am NOT in control..of anything. Therein, the struggle. I've felt many times that I make a poor excuse for a believer. My faith, I feel, is majorly lacking and I struggle with doubt and unbelief.

Through all of the stretching, God is trying to get me to grasp hold of how much he loves me, he pursues me and desires my heart. My mind knows this but how do you get that understanding to settle in your very being so that spiritually, mentally and physically you know it with out doubt, without question. Somehow, Abraham was able to, without doubt, trust that what God promised him would happen. I want that. I want these stupid doubts to leave my mind and my heart. I believe that to undoubtingly believe and have faith in God's promises, honors Him like nothing else. My heart's desire is to be able to do that. Perhaps, this is the next phase in which God alone is working on in me.

I pray that this new year brings you in a closer relationship with Him and if you don't have a relationship with God, I pray that you will give your heart to Him. What have you got to lose? He already knows you inside and out and He wants you just as you are.

Christmas 2008

We had a very nice Christmas. God blessed us so much and through that blessing, the kids had presents to unwrap. This Christmas truly was a reminder and tangible evidence that we have nothing except for God's gift to us, Jesus. Through His gift, we have the blessing of eternal life.

Some of my favorite parts were spending time with family, cooking and preparing yummy goodies to share. The kids were gathered together to start the unwrapping of the 'prizes' yesterday morning when all of the sudden Kara said...shhhh, placing her hand to her ear, she exclaimed that she could hear ho, ho, ho! She's quite the card at only two years old. Then, later that day as we were getting into the car, Kara had her little mini m&m container that had been devoured the night before. After getting buckled in, she popped it open and I saw a bunch of nerd's candies in there. Apparently, she had been looting all the kids candy from their stockings and decided to refill her container...for the road!

The only downside to all of our fun is that my camera decided to act up and not work. Isn't there a law that says thou camera shalt work on Christmas capturing all those precious moments?? I think I might have gotten maybe one shot to work but only some of the kids are in it. It's just a crying shame. Guess I'll have to put a new camera on my birthday list. Thank goodness, it's not too far away! I'd hate to miss one single moment getting on film!

Low Points

Even in the midst of what we are going through, there have been some pretty low points. Some are more so than others. Today was one of them. We woke up to an average every day Monday, getting breakfast, scurrying about to find school books with some Diego thrown in there.

I got ready for the day to begin when all of the sudden, Grace was in a panic. She had seen the DTE Energy worker pulling up to the house. I ask you, who needs dogs when you have children who announce at the very minute, even before they are able to get out of their car, when there is a foreigner on our property? The lady informed us she was here to shut the electricity off. Sorry. But that's what she was here to do. No sympathy. No concern.

I realize that, that was her job and that a person in her position probably gets a little numb to the fact that people have their sob stories but considering the state of the economy, I guess I was hoping for just a bit of understanding. I realize their was nothing she could do but it's all in the attitude. She said to hurry up and call the main office to see if there was anything they were willing to do considering the fact that we had made a payment this past week but it wasn't enough. However, she didn't wait for five minutes for us to call, she just shut if off. So there went the phone. How are you suppose to make a phone call without electricity??

Thank goodness for cell phones which yes, we still have because we need them to do business. Of course, the answer to our call was that they wanted the past due amount and wouldn't turn it back on till it got paid. The kids were all upset. Aaron was crying telling everyone in the house that everything was broken. It just rips your heart out when you realize that what you are doing is just not sufficient.

I was on my way to take my Mom to a doctors appointment so I loaded everyone up in the car to take them with me. Have you sat in the car with five kids for an hour or so? The noise level can get a little overwhelming at times especially when you throw stress in mix. It is much warmer in the car, then the already declining temperature in the house. My poor husband had to bundle up as he needed to stay home and make phone calls.

Sometimes, I can't believe that I'm sharing all this personal stuff with you all but I want to share it because I want you to know that God follows through on his promises. He never promises that as Christians that things will be easy or that we will be exempt from hardships. It is so easy to begin wondering why God is allowing all of this stuff to be happening or to question His love when we suffer. I've been there. I've thought those thoughts but I've also learned many things this year through all of this. God never fails to provide.

Through God's provision, our electricity was only off for four hours and it is now restored. Thus, me being able to blog about it...lol. I've shed many a tear today some coming more like sobs because I do not like being in this situation which seems to be never ending. I am sure that you all probably get tired of hearing about the nonsense that is going on here but again, again and again, God keeps providing in ways that just blows my mind. His care that He has shown to us through so many wonderful people have just rendered me speechless...again. Sometimes there are just no words that seem appropriate.

As My World Spins

As life is spinning from one day to the next around here, I've been praying a hedge of thorns around our home and around us. I feel like if one more thing should give, I'm going to lose the grip I have and will be swept up in the tropical storm of life. But amazingly, God knows just how weak we are and fuels us with the strength we need for today.

Last night, as we were getting things ready for bed like tucking the kids in, hugs, kisses, drinks, cleaning up the dishes and such, Brad noticed a huge puddle in our kitchen. I quickly assumed it was the dishwasher and was a bit dismayed that perhaps something could have come loose. My husband is amazingly smart and can figure things out in most areas but home repair is one of those areas where it's just best to call 1-800-help.

We continued on with the evening once the puddle was cleaned up. Around 11:15 p.m. I noticed that water was still coming from underneath the dishwasher/cupboard. As I was on the floor, wiping up the water and trying to figure out where the water was coming from, I hear this from my husband...ah, dear, it's not coming from the dishwasher, look at the ceiling. As I looked upward instead of downward, I noticed the ceiling bowing with the weight of water along with water seeping through running behind the cupboard and so on. The word, nice, ran through my mind. What else is there to say?

As I quickly ran through all that has been going on lately, all I could do was laugh. I know this may sound ridiculous but seriously, when it rains...it pours! And sometimes things are so out of control, if you don't laugh, you will lose it. I choose laughter. I kept thinking about the fiasco we went through just a couple years ago with the flooding of our home from a frozen pipe and prayed right then and there. Our home belongs to God and so does everything we have and I just had to place everything at the feet of Christ and let Him work it all out.

So at 1 a.m., we had two contractors on our roof trying to find out what the problem was and fix it so the rain would not continue to damage the kitchen ceiling. They found a hole in the roof where the flashing was not in place properly and fixed it right up. Now, we wait for the internal things to be repaired.

In the midst of all of this, God sent several of his children to minister to us when they had no idea what was going on making me again, speechless.

A Helping Hand...

How a child can get into so much and make such an incredible mess while your back is turned for only a moment is still beyond my comprehension. This has happened in our household on numerous occasions and to this day still has me stunned into speechlessness.

On this very night, Aaron (our four year old) requested some kool-aid. He was very thirsty he said and milk just wasn't what he wanted. I whipped up some Berry Cherry goodness just for his royal cuteness, poured his drink and watched him suck it down quicker than you can say slow down. He promptly placed his cup on the table and off he went with a run and a bounce.

I left the kitchen to go check on *ahem* my email. I swear I was only gone a few seconds. I know this because I didn't get any email in my inbox *sniff*. When I went back out there, Aaron was on the couch and all he said was...I'm sorry, Mom. I was just trying to help! I asked him what he was sorry about but all he did was stare at me with those puss 'n boots big eyes and sucked his infamous two middle fingers. I thought, hmmmm....wonder what's going on.

Then I entered the kitchen. What to my wondering eyes should appear, but a tilting kool-aid pitcher along with a gigantic puddle of RED kool-aid.....everywhere. When I say everywhere....that is what I found. It covered the counter top, ran down into all the drawers and down the fronts of the cupboard, down beside the stove and so on. I sat down on a kitchen chair with a sigh. Rats! I thought to myself. A kid struck again.

Now I need to explain something before I go further. I have had this complete disaster of a refrigerator for quite a few years. It has even been replaced with a brand new one from the store we originally bought it from under their 'lemon law'. Only....the new one still has the same issues the old one had. It has now been 8 years that I have been living with this devil of a appliance. I long ago gave up the hope and dream that it would work the way it was meant to. I am clinging to hope that one day, one day soon I'll be the proud owner of a double wide fridge just like Ty gives his Extreme Home Makeover recipients. But alas....I'm still in the hopes and dreams stage. Reality is still sitting there peeing on my kitchen floor.

What the heck am I talking about? Let me explain. In the last year or maybe two (time flies when you are having fun) it has taken up the activity of leaking. I fondly yell out that the fridge is 'peeing' again and the kids just think that is the funniest thing. It helps me get out some of my frustration. Sigh. However, what happens when you have a fridge that leaks periodically throughout the day? You have a puddle or stream that runs under your cupboards, stove and so on.

As I pulled the one movable cabinet that happens to be right next to the fridge to clean up this wonderfully red kool-aid spill, the bottom of the cupboard leaves a trail of disintegrated fiberboard that has left some plastered to the floor. I guess when you mix disintegrated fiberboard and water you get cement. Science lesson. (Why do science lessons happen when the kids aren't around?) Can you feel the tension building as I am writing this? If one was ever thinking of words to describe this mess in a creative form, it probably would have been right about now.

I scrubbed and scrubbed and Oh, how I scrubbed. Did I mention the stupid, stupid mop that I currently own? Let me tell you about that. First of all, let me just mention that I think the store is against me. Everytime I buy a new mop, they discontinue the mop head that goes along with it. So I then purchase another mop and the same scenario happens again. So here I am with this stupid mop that has the stupid mop head hanging on by a stupid thread and I literally mean a spongy stupid thread trying to mop this stupid mess up. This is so NOT what I had planned for my evening.

After I put everything back into it's place and I realized that my cupboard is being held up by the lousy fridge and the stove, I emphatically announced to the walls that my new kitchen was indeed in the near future plans right next to my diamond ring. Do you think they will listen cause I don't think anybody else is hearing me....except maybe the neighbors.

OPK's (Other People's Kid's)

I am going to rant here for just a minute.

Typically, I don't mind when the neighbor kids come over to play. My kids love it. The great outdoors is so much funner (Ryan's word) when there are friends to play with. I especially like that they seem to be able to entertain themselves for hours. Did you notice my bolded word?? H-o-u-r-s! That is time that my house comes to a standstill, the vibrations from running, jumping, crazy kids comes to a halt and my head comes out of the spin and I find myself faced forward.

We had this wonderfully, sweet older lady that lived behind us. Her name was Mary and she loved to do yard work. Everytime she was outside, she'd take a few minutes to chat with my kids or myself. Then, a couple years ago on Christmas Eve, she died. The family had to sell the house. When this happens, you get new neighbors.

I so had this idea that we would have wonderful neighbors who we got along great with and we'd help out from time to time when they were on vacation and so on. Do you envision my idea of walking through the meadow, dancing with the butterflies??? This is so not reality for us. We do have a few neighbors that we are more friendly with but they happen to be the ones without children. Hmmm.....maybe there is something to that???!!

Anyway, back to my rantings....

The new neighbors have been pretty friendly but there have been quite a few different faces of people living there and I'm perplexed as to who is who and who is the real owner. I see a little boy there quite often and I assume he is younger than Kara. Needless to say, we haven't had many problems.

Now here comes the fun part....

One of the young ladies has apparently taken on a babysitting job and I can only hope that it doesn't last all summer. (Ooops...I suppose I shouldn't say that because perhaps there is a real need there. Life isn't all about me!) Ok, let me rephrase that, I hope that I am not having to be the bouncer all summer long.

Out of politeness, I always require that my children check to make sure it is alright with the parents if they can go into backyards to play and I always want that politeness from other people towards our backyard. However, the babysitting young lady isn't familiar with my law of backyard politeness. The three kids she is watching are 5, 4 and 2. She's been popping them over the fence for them to play without even checking to see if that was alright with us.

I didn't say anything to her because I thought to myself...oh, just let them play for a little bit and then you can send them home while we eat. Well, in two seconds flat, the three girls had everything in a stir. They quickly became known as the 'mean girls'. I felt that I needed to be out there with them during this visit. The thing that got me is that as soon as the babysitter popped them over the fence, she disappeared and I became the babysitter. They were our visitors until I sent them home so my kids could go to bed.

Today, first thing this morning, I looked out my window and who do you think I saw? Yes, indeed....I saw the three little girls that came to visit yesterday. I was so hoping that they weren't popping over the fence before I had my coffee. Much to my surprise, they didn't come for a visit until late this afternoon. However, they were here for two seconds and I had to send one of them home for trying to kick Kara down the slide and then proceeded to tell me she didn't have to listen to me. Of course, I set her straight. The funny thing is, while I was standing there having this stern conversation with this five year old, the babysitter was just sitting there in her lawn chair texting whoever without any concern as to what was going on. Interesting, I thought to myself. The little girl was back in my yard, five minutes later.

After dinner, I was informed by my kids that the 'mean girl' said that when she is bigger, she's going to beat me up and kick me in the nuts and then I'll say, oh, you were the girl that was in my backyard. Should I be worried???? I miss Mary :-)

My Tree

We have this beautiful tree in our backyard. When we first came to view this house when we were looking for a home, this tree is what really drew me to it. It was in full bloom at the time. However, I am clueless as to what it is. If anybody has any ideas, please comment.

Last year, I noticed that the blossoms were not as vibrant nor were there as many flowers. I sloughed it off and thought maybe it had something to do with the kind of winter we had. Then last summer, one of the kids was trying to climb it and the whole limb just snapped off with hardly any effort. I thought, uh oh, something is not right.

My husband then went there to see what he could see. He was able to snap another limb off. As far as we can tell, it's dying. I want to cry. I love that tree. This Spring, it still bloomed but again, not very vibrantly.....just enough to bring out the bumble bees.

Aaron came running in the house sobbing. I inquired as to what all the fuss was about. He told me that the neighbor kid said if he looked right at the queen bumble bee which he informed him was what was out there hanging around my tree, the bee would chase him down and sting him. I love neighbor kids. I ask myself daily why we don't have a few more of them on our street. (note: sarcasm)

It just wouldn't be Spring, if I didn't have one child decide he was crazy scared of bugs, spiders or bees. My Spring is now complete along with the sassy neighborhood kids who have now come out of hibernation.

Celebrations

We celebrated Kara's 2nd birthday this week. Boy, I can't believe how much she's grown. She loves to talk and she loves to 'go'. Bob always takes the birthday kid out for breakfast. Since she doesn't sit still and most certainly won't make it through a breakfast, he took her out for 'Timbits'. (thanks for the great idea, Lisa!) She loved it! She was so happy to go with Daddy and was so happy to sit in her car seat and eat her cup of donut holes.

We had some family over for the celebration too! She was running around kissing and hugging everyone. She's so precious when she's not screaming, no..no...no.

In the middle of our little party, I happened to glance out the window and saw an ambulance right in front of our house. When I opened the front door, I saw a little old man laying on the ground behind our car. Fortunately, the neighbor's across the street had seen him fall, got him a pillow and a blanket and called 911. He ended up being alright, thank goodness.

It was a bit unsettling that all that was happening in our front yard and we didn't have a clue. There is this older couple that lives down a bit from us, that keeps up on everyone. Not in a nosy sense but in a sincerely caring way for people. They are always out there during the winter, shoveling everyone's driveway, doing what they can for the neighbors. We are really blessed to have them in our neighborhood. They jumped right in and were going to check on him and make sure his family got called. That is the kind of neighbor we want to be.

The neighbor lady came back around later that evening to let us know that the little old man was doing ok and that they had gotten a hold of his family. She thanked me for what I did, for being out there with them. I thought to myself, I really didn't do anything but lend a listening ear and a kind word to him. But I also thought that it was neat that she came back to give us a report and to, in a way, encourage people by thanking them for what they did do. As the lady was leaving, Kara called out to her for a hug. Of course, she got one. Who could resist? However, my thought was why would she want to hug an unfamiliar person and be all cute with her but won't go in her Sunday school class without a screaming meltdown. Another question that goes down in the unsolved mysteries along with, 'why on earth are there wasps'.....again a mystery to me.

Brad told me he was already to go out there and put his new CPR skills into practice but realized the ambulance was already there so maybe he's catch it next time around. So I, being the teacher and mother, decided to quiz him a bit to see if he remembered what to do from his class. He told me that he was to ask him if he needed some help. Then, he proceeded to tell me he needed to turn the man on his side. I quickly let him know that you only turn someone on their side if they happened to be unconscious...which he was not. I think, perhaps, we need a second course on CPR.....maybe a daily DVD.....

Don't Let Her Fool You!

I can't believe our baby is going to be two in just a few weeks. How did that happen so fast? She's chatting up a storm and using big words like....Toontown. If you don't know what that it, it's an online video game that my kids play and she goes nuts over. She knows all about it and that comes from her father, I am sure. She stands up in the chair in front of the computer, grabs the mouse and clicks away like a pro. If she senses anyone coming to take her away from it, she screams at the top of her lungs. I think the neighbors can hear her. She really would make a great alarm system. I wonder if State Farm would consider that a discount on my home insurance. Kara, the great theft detection system. Her idea of a theft is taking her computer away from her. Yes, I said her computer. She has declared it as 'mine'.

Our Kara is sweet and loving until you cross her and then she's as sassy as her mother. Poor thing. I think she might even run our house. Being number five in the birth order and her just being her adds an element of fun to our household. Grace and I took her to Target with us the other day. She was talking in a baby-talk kind of tone to everyone we passed. They were all swooning over how incredibly cute she was. She was totally eating it up and laughing so much at herself. It was quite a show.

Inspite of her cuteness, she has her rascally moments. She got a hold of Ryan's Gameboy and took it in the bathroom deciding to see what happens when you run water over it in the sink. In case you are wondering, it wrecks it. It won't work. Nada. No way, no how. Ryan was hot. Thank goodness, his mother having thought this through when she bought it, signed up for the replacement plan. So it got replaced without any trouble and he is back to his happy self.

A couple of days ago, Kara disappeared. She is fascinated with the bathroom. Why...I just don't know. Perhaps its that big tank of water that is so fun to play in. Then it's so fun to add toilet paper to it to see what happens with that. What a mess. I had toilet paper stuck to the walls, sink, shower and let's not forget to mention all that was in the toilet itself. Of course, she just stands there with the biggest grin, proud as can be. I know why God made kids cute....it was for their protection.

Along with the toilet paper experiment, our sweet baby girl also later that day decided to yet again experiment with the toilet. Only it didn't involve toilet paper. Have you ever seen David Letterman's, "Does It Float"? Yes....she decided to play that very game. Let me ask you....do Gameboy's sink or float? The answer to that question is....(drum roll.....).......it sinks. There in the toilet, sunk to the bottom, was Aaron's Gameboy. Only this time, Aaron's Gameboy does not have the replacement plan. It has expired. Guess what I'll be repurchasing soon?