It's interesting how God reveals himself. I was feeling very discouraged with Sharlene and Barbara and the diagnosis we had been given from the mental health facility. Actually, to be truthful, I was feeling quite angry. God doesn't promise that the things he asks of us are going to easy or that if we are willing to be obedient, that he'll just reach down and make the road free of debris. Sometimes it's just plain ol' h-a-r-d. Sometimes, when He asks us to do something, disappointment and frustration appear because it's not quite what we had in mind. Expectations. But I expected....well..no, maybe I didn't know what to expect but I didn't know what we as a family would go through or the emotions that this experience would reveal in myself.
Have you ever been in a situation that reveals your character in the mirror and you don't like what you see? That's me. I've seen selfishness, irritation, a lack of mercy and forgiveness and where or wherefore art thou, my compassion? I have to ask God every day for forgiveness of my attitude and my selfish desire to be done with such a hard task. The desire of my heart is to be full of compassion, quick to be merciful and forgiving, tender-hearted. To, without question, be obedient to what God has placed in my care. So why, even though my mind knows what to do, is it so incredibly hard to get the rest of me in agreement.
So I'm sitting in church a couple weeks ago listening to the sermon which seemed to be only for me. A couple points still haunt me today. You have to get out of your house or your cushy life and let God use you for a hurting world which include something dear to God's heart, orphans. Could you go to heaven knowing you turned that opportunity down?
I happened to get a email which was from Dr. Dobson's site. It was on orphans and how precious they are to God.
I sat down to watch a Christmas movie. Care to take a guess what it ended up being about? Yep...taking on the care of three orphans.
Ok, so I get it, God! You've got my attention.
God wants us to continue caring for our two little orphan girls no matter what the struggles bring daily. He doesn't want me to have clarity in this situation yet but instead, He wants me to just have faith and trust in Him to work this all out. He keeps reminding me of this whenever I turn the radio on or I happen to drive by a billboard.
He promises to not give us more than we can handle and always provides an open window when it gets to be more than we can bear. In this situation, the words....'you are that window for Sharlene and Barbara' have been whispered in my ear and in my heart. How can I argue with that?
3 comments:
It is the "trust the Lord" part of the equation that rocks us to the core when the flesh says NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
You just have to grit your teeth and make yourself do it even when you don't want to. Jesus did that in Gethsemene.
Where the rubber meets the road is hot, full of friction and smelly. No one likes to be there. The nice thing is that the tire spinning does eventually end. The tire may not have any tread left but it can be recycled for a different use.
Please know that we are praying for you. The family of God is here for your support.
Ellen
We are definitely here for you. Through this your life will look, feel and be different but that is why God challenges us. He wants us to grow and be stronger.
The growing pains are a bugger though aren't they! LOL UGH!
Another mom I know whose son (at 17) was diagnosed with Hodgkin's said something like this. It's not up to us to decide how much suffering we need, or when we're done with the bad stuff. She'd realized that the January before at his diagnosis and was saying this when he'd officially gone into remission a year later.
God bless,
Heather
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