15

Our second birthday celebration in May is for our oldest. He is now 15. I have to keep reminding myself just how old he is because I just can't believe that that much time has gone by since I had my first child. If only you could slow time down just a bit....

Unfortunately, birthdays, holidays, special days all come whether you are financially ready to celebrate them or not. I am afraid this birthday was a bit of a disappointment as he had big plans for how he wanted to celebrate. He decided that his birthday is on hold for now until we can get to where he wants to be in order to do what he had planned. I am hoping he isn't still waiting when he's 35.

I think it's harder to come to terms with life situations as older children. The younger ones are somewhat oblivious to their parents financial struggles and are more easily pleased with the little things that we can do for them. It is a tough place to be in as a parent because I am completely disappointed myself in what I couldn't do for him. My heart breaks every time a situation comes up like this and I have to tell them I just can't meet their wishes.

On the flip side of that, it is a good life lesson. Life doesn't always go as planned and sometimes we have to adjust and come to terms with that. I'm still learning that myself. It's not a lesson I like to learn. I want to be able to do what I want and it's difficult to not be able to. We have to be very careful that we don't let these disappointments fester inside us and turn into bitterness and hatred, growing our hearts cold.

I know that birthday presents and going out to eat are all superficial things. These things are not what we live for. However, I think it's alight with God to enjoy those things as long as we don't make them our central focus.

The one thing that we are rich in is the love we have for each other. I know to a 15 year old, that isn't what you are concentrating on and it's hard to keep everything in proper perspective. But...it's the truth. Love is what we have to share....the love of Christ in us and the love we have for one another. I hope and pray that someday my kids will all look back on this time and see that shining brighter than all the pain and struggles we endured....that and the giant chocolate chip cookie we had instead of a cake.