A Bit Of Honesty

Today has been a really long day. I knew when we decided to take on the care of these two beautiful girls, that it was not going to be easy. Even so, I'm feeling a bit discouraged. To my friends who have been down this road before, I am so very grateful for your encouraging words and for your wisdom in this situation. You truly are invaluable to me :-)

Sharlene is feeling much more comfortable and is showing us that through various ways. She yells, screams, hits and pushes her way into whoever's attention she is wanting. Honestly, I felt like it was a constant fight with her today and I feel drained from that struggle. She spends many moments in time out. It's like trying to break in a wild horse. You don't want to break the spirit but need to mold it gently. I wonder how long it might take before she learns her boundaries and settles into it. Maybe I don't want to know that....one day at a time probably needs to be my perspective.

She is so attention starved and clings to me or my husband from the time we get up till she goes to bed. We are trying to give her lots of hugs and attention but their are also boundaries within that. I tried to take a shower yesterday which sent her into a fit. She kept throwing herself at the door, kicking it and screaming at it wanting to come in. Hopefully, she'll not do that too often. It wasn't a pleasant experience.

Barbara is very quiet. She putters about here and there. She doesn't really come near anybody but will sit on your lap if you ask her. If you ask her if she wants to get down, she promptly jumps off. She seems to need to do everything that Sharlene does not necessarily because she has to/wants to but because that is how she's been trained. For example, if she's just gone to the bathroom one second beforehand and sees that Sharlene is headed for it, she has this need to go again. I've never seen anything like it. I don't know if I'm explaining this very well but it's almost like its robotic. I'm hoping that eventually the individuality will come out and we'll see each of them acting as their own person.

When the girls were with their mother on Monday, she seemed very nurturing to them in the short time I was there to pick them up. I know that it's easier to be that way when you are only with them for an hour and haven't seen them for a bit but I wonder how she was with them before they were removed from the home. When you see that, it's hard to get your brain to wrap around the issues at hand. Sharlene has Early Childhood Development Delay putting her cognitive, social, emotional, communication levels around 18 months and I see some signs in Barbara but not as prevalent as in her sister.

I'm not regretting our decision nor am I surprised at what we are dealing with. After talking with the social worker, we both knew what we were up against. We also know that God called us both to do this. He never promises that the road He calls us to will be sunny beaches or warm breezes. Therefore, I know God will give us what we need to help these girls grow into healthy, happy children while they are with us.

I know that God can heal the emotional damage that is done and will replace it with security and love that only he can give. It's the time in between, the time where the molding is taking place, the mental energy that it requires on a daily basis, that I desperately need His strength for.

If you think about it, I would really be grateful for your prayers. It's emotionally draining to constantly be fighting with a child who desperately needs love and to still have some left over for your other children who also need their mother.