Pain Treatment - Round 1

I've always struggled with the month of February, not because of the snow but perhaps, because of the lack of sunshine. There is something special about the warmth and the mere presence of the sun that warms the heart, warms the soul and gives hope. I've often thought that when it makes it's appearance during the winter months, I should run outside and set up my lawn chair and soak in it. It's just not the same looking at it through the window....

We've begun the series of pain shots for my husband. The first round was a couple weeks ago. He was in and out in about an hour and half and was feeling somewhat alright when he came out. The first thing he says to me when we got in the car was I'm starving! Of course, I believe the steroids make you incredibly hungry or perhaps it was the 'you can't eat or drink anything eight hours before' that makes one ravenous. He was craving a big, juicy burger and fries so we scraped together enough change to oblige the need. He was kind enough to give me a bite!

Later that day, I had to leave for a bit to pick up our food basket from the church, pick up his prescription and go to the post office. I was only going to be gone for a couple of hours, so I made sure he was medicated, used the restroom, and was tucked in his recliner before I left. However, when I returned, it was a nightmare...

When I opened the door, I found everyone upset and crying including my husband who was in so much pain, he could hardly stand it. Leaving the kids home alone with him in that much pain is just not a good idea. They don't know how to handle it and he is powerless to stop it. When he has these pain episodes, he can't move, he can't function and it is extremely scary for all to watch. We, unfortunately, never know when it is going to occur so I try very hard to plan things around his medication but that is not even a surefire way to avoid these kinds of situations.

There is something about watching and hearing someone you love very dearly go through something so agonizing. It makes a huge impact on your mind and your heart. The sound of his sobbing not only affects me, it is incredibly difficult on our children. In some ways, I think they/we have traumatic stress syndrome. The prayer of my heart is that God will use this situation, even in our children, for good and that He will heal all of our hearts so that there is no lasting damage from this.

The one thing that we have found and have even heard from the nurses is that like a mental illness, debilitating pain is not something we can see. So when we look at person, we sum them up to be alright when in actuality they are suffering just as much as someone who has a horrible illness that you can see. We have been judged and criticized so much because of his 'unseen' health issues but we know that God knows exactly how much he endures on a daily basis to just get through the day. God is the one who continues to give us the strength and the courage to face each day and to continue moving forward.

It's been two weeks since his first round of shots and unfortunately, we've seen no relief. The doctor did warn us that some do not see any effects from the first set. So we continue to look to God who is really the One who heals and we continue to put our faith and trust in His plan. Our mind is set on Him and even in the midst of winter and the lack of sunshine, I am not going to give up and be a victim of discouragement. I choose to hold onto the hope that comes from the Lord concentrating and soaking in His 'sonshine.' His love endures all things....