Another turn...

We had a visit with the neurosurgeon to go over my husband's MRI results a couple days ago. The doctor's take on what he saw was that even though Bob has eleven damaged disks, that while there might be some back pain, it is not the cause of his debilitating, chronic pain. He believes there is something else going on. His suggestion was to see a immunologist. It could be an auto-immune/musculoskeletel issue. So we are back at square one.

I cannot tell you how utterly agonizing this is not only to, after three years and several different ideas of what might be wrong, to be back at not knowing. We've been fighting discouragement since we left the doctors office. The idea of it being an auto-immune issue scares me to death. From what I know (which could be potentially dangerous), an auto-immune disease is definitely not a good thing. I felt better with it being a back issue.

The other frustrating aspect of this is that it's been three years and the doctors still don't know what is wrong. This just goes to show you that sometimes our bodies even stump the doctors. Sometimes, it is simply a process of elimination, to find out the answer which takes time. So my husband remains to be a mystery even to the highly educated doctors. I knew he was special!

On the way home from the doctors appointment, Bob kept asking me so where do we go from here. The answer to that is to keep praying, keep holding on to the hope of Christ and His promises and to go see the immunologist. It's step one. Then we go from there....one day at a time.

The discouragement is devastating. It is hanging around my head like a little black rain cloud. I'm refusing to completely give into it but I can feel it threatening to overtake me. I do find it amazing that for the past few days, I keep hearing sermons and words of encouragement from people to be relentless, to never give up. I know that God is trying to tell me something and I need to listen up.

It has been so difficult to face the realities of what is going on. I know that my husband has struggled with the aspect of not being able to provide for us, to watch our family struggle with what is going on, to know that the things you use to be able to do now are impossible or are extremely difficult. I am amazed at what he does accomplish when he is able as he refuses to become a vegetable lying on the couch. However, some days it is quite an accomplishment to just get off the couch and get to the restroom. Our whole world has been turned upside down. The things that were once are no more and we struggle, as do our children, with the unknown....will we be able to again? That is a question I can't answer and it makes me sad.

How do people deal with debilitation? One day you are functioning at full force and the next, a broken individual whether it be a car accident, a stroke, a heart attack or some other health issue. We just do not know what will happen from one day to the next. We have to place our trust in God and to never give up our faith in Him even in the face of the unknown. Without God, you will get swallowed up in the hopelessness of the situation which in my opinion, is worse than the condition itself. Hang on to hope, the hope of Christ.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

We have seen God's promises revealed in our own lives time and time again. I cannot say it enough...that HE will do as HE promised. You may have to wait on HIS timing and that is sometimes difficult but well worth the wait. Do not loose hope. He's got us in the palm of his hand and has a plan for us even in this seemingly impossible situation.

So...even in the face of the unknown and in this place that seems so overwhelmingly impossible, we continue to praise Him--to say Blessed be your name....

Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
where your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name...


Blessed be your name
when I'm found in the desert place
When I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name


Every blessing you pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say....
Blessed be the name of the Lord


Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world is all as it should be
Blessed be your name


Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Where there is pain in the offering
Blessed be your name


You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will chose to say
Lord, Blessed be your name...