Peanut Butter Kisses: Healing hearts

I didn't post a whole lot last year for a couple of reasons. The first reason was that we were in the process of having to move since the owners of the house we were renting were selling it. It's not always easy trying to find a house that will fit everybody's needs and still fit into your budget!

We spent a lot of time praying for God's direction for this and saw His hand move time and time again from house to house. The answer mostly was the closed door. This can be discouraging after a time especially when faced with a time factor. Why does panic always set in when we are faced with the midnight hour? God promises to provide. He promises never to leave us or forsake us and yet, I find myself grasping onto the panic and not the promise.

God opened the doors wide open to a house not anywhere where we were originally looking and certainly not what I was expecting. When He moves, He MOVES. He moved us to a beautiful, big house in the country. It has been such a blessing to us and continues to be. God's ways are always way more than what we can imagine if we allow Him to work. Every morning when I look out the window, I am just again awed at what He has done and oh, so thankful for His graciousness to us!

The second reason for my absence in posting is in all that we've gone through in the past five years, we've taken tons of criticism and all out lies/gossip for the decisions we've made and for what is happening in our lives. This does not encourage one to open up about oneself but instead to pull in and be silent. This isn't always a good way to handle it and I admit that perhaps it's not the healthiest of ways either. I've been really concentrating on asking God to heal my wounded heart and to help me with forgiveness. It's hard. It's really, really hard.

I don't really understand why people don't believe the best in you especially when your past history shows your integrity, your love for God and how you live your life. Ever since Bob got sick, we've spent much time on our knees before God seeking His will and how to proceed. Sometimes, you don't get direct answers and it's a process of putting one foot in front of the other, praying the whole time that you are doing the right thing. We are human and we ALL make mistakes. Not one of us will do everything right. The hardest thing is when the people closest to you, no longer are there with support but words of criticism and betrayal. That is heart-wrenchingly wounding.

This makes me think how very much we, God's precious creation, must grieve His heart with our actions, with our words, with the yuckiness that we allow in our hearts. It helps me to remember to try my hardest to not kick a man when he's at his lowest point but to offer words of comfort, to not stand by and watch the suffering if there is anything I can do. To always be on alert for others who are hurting is something that has been on my heart. Suffering will do that. It will make you more sensitive to others or it will make you a hard, bitter person. It's your choice.

Thirdly, when you move to the country and there are lots and lots of trees, your internet options are limited. We do have internet but it is sporadic and sometimes not too reliable. I find that we have to take trips to local 'hot spots' to try to download stuff that is important. I guess it's a trade off....beautiful nature to enjoy for your high speed internet.

Life would be boring without all these obstacles and challenges, right?? God sure has a way of using what you are going through whether it be internet challenges or people challenges to work out issues within your own heart. I am grateful that He sees fit to think I'm worthy enough to want to make me into what He has in mind for me.