Sunday, January 28, 2007

Anger Management

Have any of you seen this movie? I hate to even admit that I saw it but there it is....for all of you to know now. I'm not recommending it :-) I say all this to is a good thing to get things out in the open and it even has benefits you don't even realize. What am I talking about, you may ask? Have I lost you yet? Well first of all, let me give you a bit of background, then I would like to get your opinion, if you will share it with me and then I will give you the pull up a chair, grab some popcorn and let's roll 'em...

For quite a few years, we have been dealing with some bullying. My oldest has been dealing with this at church. Now, let me say this, I know..I know...I KNOW that my son is not innocent but he does know that as my husband would say, it would be a life changing event for him if he was to treat someone like that.

I've addressed issues as they've come but I am realizing more and more that women can be a bit catty when it comes to conflict. I am not negating that protective instinct that overwhelms you when someone threatens your young but let's get real here.....when it becomes physical, something needs to be done.

I won't go into all the dramatic details but I will say this.....after trying to address the ongoing issues, it is always turned back around and implied that either my son is lying or they were just playing around. Never is their an admittance, that maybe just maybe, there is a problem that needs to be addressed within their own least, it's not said to my face.

On many Sunday's, after we've all gotten in the car to go home from church, I find out how very upset my oldest is and then I get to hear all the things that went on in his class. Sometimes there are lots of tears, sometimes it's anger and other times he just doesn't want to talk about it. Then there are the times when he makes himself physically ill from fretting about it. Well today, he informs me he doesn't want to go to church. He begs me to stay home. That right there has me infuriated to no end. When is it ever right for your child who has loved to go and never ever wants to miss a Sunday, change his mind and decide he doesn't want to go.

We all managed to get there today...making some options available to our oldest to counteract another episode but he still chose to go to his class. Only this time, he came home with teeth marks in arm leaving a bruise.

I'm tired of addressing issues with these same families. I must admit, I've let much of it go as the past history of how it's handled has wearied me to infinity and beyond and then there is the..why bother, it doesn't ever change anything. One of the families that I had to address for a pretty severe incident, turned up in an explosion of drama which then was shared with several other families leaving the remnants of friction still to this day...two years later.

I could really use some advice here. Obviously, everything I've tried isn't working and I really want my child to want to go back to church....what are your thoughts?

Does anyone have some input here? Check back in a bit for the rest of the story.


momwithbrownies said...

Teeth Marks?! That's crazy!

If memory serves me correctly, the mother of the biter is the leader of most of the groups in the church right? I have no idea how you can handle this thing. It seems that you've done all there is to do. I think that the mom you have to deal with will probably win everytime in that church.

I'm at a loss!

Anonymous said...

WOW!! Here you go to church for your children to learn about loving eachother as a family of God and to learn His word and you have to deal with this ongoing mess!!! I truely feel for you. I'm getting hot just thinking about it...I'm assuming you have already talked with the elders of your church, which infuriates me that they didn't already sit down everyone involved and get to the bottom of it and come up with a workable conclusion. A conclusion that comes with a firm warning that if this continues that they will have to recommend those families to find another church to attend. If no one is willing to take this situation seriously, I WOULD DEFINITELY START LOOKING FOR A DIFFERENT CHURCH. If you feel that this isn't an option I would maybe volunteer to either help teach in your childs class, or take over entirely so I could keep better tabs on the situation myself. My question is this. What in the world is that teacher doing in there?! Why isn't the teacher keeping better tabs on his/her students?! I pray that you are able to come to a quick end to this horrible situation. Please keep us posted.

Anonymous said...

Here's my two cents worth. You should never make not going to church an option unless you do not value your child's soul. That needs to be an integral part of his life and it should be without question that we all go to church on Sunday. Knowing the family and knowing how long it took to find a church you were all comfortable with and agreed on, I think it's worth working through. The other parent's position in the church should not be a factor. Let's remember Who is really in charge! He did say He was not a respector of persons. Let's all take this to Father and ask Him to change hearts and minds and work this out. Remember that when your Father decided he was going to show who was in charge, he sent little herdsman Moses in front of the greatest ruler of the time, Pharoah, and showed him a thing or two. And remember that He was able to harden Pharoah's heart and soften his heart toward God's people. This ungodly ruler THOUGHT he was making all the decisions but really, he was just putty in the Master's hands. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever and He has said He will fight your battles for you. Let's stand in faith and ask the children to stand with us and just see what our God will do.