The Unknown

It is a difficult place to be when facing the unknown. It's scary, it's unsettling, and it's sometimes a lonely road. Many want to know if things have changed or are wanting to know what we are going to do as we continue to remain in this situation. To be honest, we don't know what we are going to do.

We are in this place that has had ever door closed that we have tried to move through. You could get quite discouraged and we have from time to time. But in the midst of it, we are completely trusting that God is going to reveal the right door, in the right time.

As far as our house goes, I know that we are allowed a six month redemption period which will be up in May. We have been told that we need to wait to hear from the mortgage company before we can do anything. They have to go through the court to evict us so once we hear from them we are given a short period of time to remove ourselves from this home. My nightmare is that the sheriff will show up and tell us to get out without notice. Some friends of ours have seen people scrambling for their stuff as the sheriff has shown up to escort them out. That concerns me greatly.

We are struggling to keep the lights on and the car insurance up to date so even contemplating a place to rent is out of the question. If we can't keep up with the small things, how can we even attempt to take on something as big as a rent payment. We are just in this place of complete dependence on God. Everytime I start to get upset because things are so tight, I can hear them screaming, I hear this little voice that asks me who I am depending on. Is it me or is it God?

I don't understand the longevity of this time we are going through. I don't understand how all the parts of our lives with Bob's health and everything that has happened are all intertwined into one big ball of chaos. There are no answers at this point. All I know is that God has ordained this time for a reason. A reason we may never have an answer for. I can only pray and ask that my eyes be open to the road God has set before us and be obedient to what He calls us to do daily, no matter how agonizing it is.

I try to embrace this time and learn all that I can from it. I pray that all the things I have learned will not only lead to a deeper understanding in my mind but will take root in my heart. I know that there has been no other time in my life when I have grown so much in my relationship with God and for that I have something to cherish. A gift that I could never have if it weren't for this time.

I look forward to the day when God removes the stopper. However, I do not want to go back to our 'old ways' of thinking, of doing life and of living for Him. I can't wait to see what God has in store for us through His restoration.