A Little Bit Of Humor

I just discovered I can put up blog posts from my phone.
Isn't that crazy?
Maybe I will post more then? Or maybe not.
Life doesn't always allow time for me to share. So this is kind of like my test post. I will see if it turns out once I post this and then we will go from there. For now, I am pretty excited about this blogger app and the potential it has.
 So I will leave you with this bit of humor....;
Do your kids ever out of the blue just fall. Mine have and it's usually quite dramatic.
Last night, Aaron was in the kitchen fiddling around and I was sitting in the front room feeding the baby when I heard a huge clatter followed by a groan. I yelled into the kitchen to see if he was ok when all of the sudden he comes running into the front room plopping himself on the couch.

I looked him over to see if there was any sort of blood and found him to be intact. I asked him what happened and he said with a sigh that he'd taken a direct hit. Apparently, the kitchen is a dangerous place. One should take cover when entering such a place.

What Is Love?

As a parent, have you ever had those moments when your child blows your mind with a question or a statement that you clearly thought he or she should know. Yeah, I had one of those moments yesterday and as I sat there reflecting on it, my heart went through several different emotions before I formulated my answer.

Yesterday, as we were sitting in church, trying as much as I could, with a sleeping baby in my arms and children who decided it was a good time to start picking at each other which I was sure was going to turn into a wrestling match at any moment, to concentrate and soak in a few brief moments of worship time with my heavenly Father. I leaned over to one of the rascally children and spoke in his ear that he needed to pay attention to worship and that I loved him. He whispered back that he didn't understand what I was saying. 

At first, I was thinking he didn't understand because he didn't hear me. So I leaned back over to his ear and asked him if he didn't understand why we worshiped with the singing or did he not understand the love part. What he then said kind of shocked me. He said he didn't understand the love part. He said he didn't know what that meant.

At this point, many thoughts were going through my mind like, why does this child not understand that? I've done everything that I know how to do to show him that love. What have I done or not done that he should even question that? Why is he bringing this up now? At church. In worship. When we are suppose to be concentrating on God, not having a distracting conversation. I'm sure the people behind us were wondering why we were doing all this talking also. I could just feel the comments that were going on behind their eyes.

After wrestling with my own feelings of inadequacy, disappointment and even a little bit of irritation that he wasn't getting it. I simply asked God to help me answer him....right now. Sometimes, it is best not to let certain topics go because you may not have that opportunity again. As I laid my heart before God in that moment, I asked him to help me help my child know what it truly meant.

God answered my prayer immediately and gave my heart the right answer, the one answer that truly mattered. Love is not this mushy gushy feeling, Love is not truly from me. In my humanness, my love is corrupted by sin, selfish desires and is wrapped up in the word "me". The true meaning of love is God. God's love is perfect. It is only by Him that I can truly love or ever have any deep understanding of it. 

So I leaned over and whispered to my dear one, that the truest example of love is when God sent His only son to die on the cross. (John 3:16) He gave up what was precious to Him so that I, and all of His creation, could truly live. Not live here on this earth but our heavenly home...forever. God's love is unconditional, pure and Holy. My love may fall short, may be dysfunctional, and may be exhibited based on my emotions of the day but God's is not. 

When we look at love, we should not look for the right answer in the people we know because they come tainted by sin, unable to truly show what love is. The example that we should look to is the One who is love. That love, if accepted, covers our sin and makes it possible to have a relationship with Him. That unconditional love cannot be diminished by our actions, is not fluctuating from one day to another but is solid and steady and always encompassing us.

I am glad I was able to have that moment in time to remind my child about God's love and even in that, my heart was also reminded of it. Sometimes, we get so wrapped up in trying to please God, doing the 'right' things that we think are good, trying our best to live a life that is acceptable to Him, that we forget that nothing we do could ever comes close.

Thank you, Lord, for your unconditional love. Thank you that I don't have to try to measure up, that your love is always there for me. Thank you for that gift.

Healing hearts

I didn't post a whole lot last year for a couple of reasons. The first reason was that we were in the process of having to move since the owners of the house we were renting were selling it. It's not always easy trying to find a house that will fit everybody's needs and still fit into your budget!

We spent a lot of time praying for God's direction for this and saw His hand move time and time again from house to house. The answer mostly was the closed door. This can be discouraging after a time especially when faced with a time factor. Why does panic always set in when we are faced with the midnight hour? God promises to provide. He promises never to leave us or forsake us and yet, I find myself grasping onto the panic and not the promise.

God opened the doors wide open to a house not anywhere where we were originally looking and certainly not what I was expecting. When He moves, He MOVES. He moved us to a beautiful, big house in the country. It has been such a blessing to us and continues to be. God's ways are always way more than what we can imagine if we allow Him to work. Every morning when I look out the window, I am just again awed at what He has done and oh, so thankful for His graciousness to us!

The second reason for my absence in posting is in all that we've gone through in the past five years, we've taken tons of criticism and all out lies/gossip for the decisions we've made and for what is happening in our lives. This does not encourage one to open up about oneself but instead to pull in and be silent. This isn't always a good way to handle it and I admit that perhaps it's not the healthiest of ways either. I've been really concentrating on asking God to heal my wounded heart and to help me with forgiveness. It's hard. It's really, really hard.

I don't really understand why people don't believe the best in you especially when your past history shows your integrity, your love for God and how you live your life. Ever since Bob got sick, we've spent much time on our knees before God seeking His will and how to proceed. Sometimes, you don't get direct answers and it's a process of putting one foot in front of the other, praying the whole time that you are doing the right thing. We are human and we ALL make mistakes. Not one of us will do everything right. The hardest thing is when the people closest to you, no longer are there with support but words of criticism and betrayal. That is heart-wrenchingly wounding.

This makes me think how very much we, God's precious creation, must grieve His heart with our actions, with our words, with the yuckiness that we allow in our hearts. It helps me to remember to try my hardest to not kick a man when he's at his lowest point but to offer words of comfort, to not stand by and watch the suffering if there is anything I can do. To always be on alert for others who are hurting is something that has been on my heart. Suffering will do that. It will make you more sensitive to others or it will make you a hard, bitter person. It's your choice.

Thirdly, when you move to the country and there are lots and lots of trees, your internet options are limited. We do have internet but it is sporadic and sometimes not too reliable. I find that we have to take trips to local 'hot spots' to try to download stuff that is important. I guess it's a trade off....beautiful nature to enjoy for your high speed internet.

Life would be boring without all these obstacles and challenges, right?? God sure has a way of using what you are going through whether it be internet challenges or people challenges to work out issues within your own heart. I am grateful that He sees fit to think I'm worthy enough to want to make me into what He has in mind for me.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare^[a] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope!

Another year....

I recently enjoyed another birthday. It's tough to face that time is rolling forward faster than you are ready to admit. Oh how I wish it would slow down. There is so much to enjoy, so much to yet experience and so much that God has put before us to accomplish for Him. I guess it's a real reminder to not take one moment for granted, to not put off what we can do now and to seek God every day so that we are growing and learning more and more about Him.

My birthday is getting quite comical. Never in my wildest imagination would I ever dreamed that my kids would fight over who is going to make me breakfast for my birthday. I did suggest maybe they work together but they all individually want to make sure I'm blessed by them in their own way. They all have their own ideas about what to make or what to do and I guess that some of those ideas collide with the other ideas. My oldest recently told a friend of his that with as many siblings as he has, you have to make an appointment to do something with his mother for her birthday. I'm finding the truth in that. So why not make this a whole month of celebrating? I would enjoy that, for sure!

My five year old wanted us to make sure we woke her up as soon as we could because she didn't want to miss one minute of the birthday celebrating. She also mentioned for my birthday, her gift to me was that she was going to be sure to do everything I told her to do! That is an awesome gift in my opinion! She made me a beautiful card with lots and lots of balloons on it. She is super cute and I am blessed by her love for me!

My eight year old also made me an adorable card. One of the things that struck my heart is that he wrote, "God loves you and so do I". His understanding of how much God loves his children is amazing. Sometimes, I wish I could grasp hold of it like he does. His heart is sensitive to our Lord and he has been blessed with a deep understanding of God's word that blows my mind. His addition to my birthday breakfast was Cheezit's. He sat next to this birthday girl to make sure I was enjoying my breakfast to it's fullest while watching to make sure I ate every bit and to give me a detailed explanation of his love and God's love for me. Truly a blessing he is to me!

My ten year old has been looking forward to this special day, counting down the days with his brother to make sure they didn't miss it. He helped make the special breakfast of eggs over easy on a toasted hot dog bun because we were out of bread. I'd say they are pretty creative coming up with some ideas! When he got up, he got the paper, crayons and paint ready for everyone to make their cards for me before I woke up. He was very busy trying to make sure everything was just right....even made sure I had my coffee! The day before he got busy scrubbing down my cupboards and counter tops for my birthday gift. He told me that he's been saving up all his love for me so that on my birthday it could just burst out! Boy, did I get a chuckle from that comment.

My oldest daughter was so excited for this day to come. She's been planning and planning on a special birthday dinner and dessert and she did wonderful. I am so thankful for her attentiveness to my birthday and her desire to make it super special. We had chicken caesar wraps, salad and peanut butter pie that was topped with peanut butter cups, melted chocolate and peanut butter. It was so absolutely delicious. She also made ice cream sandwiches with homemade chocolate chip cookies for anyone who didn't want pie. I was so incredibly blessed by her gift of dinner and dessert!

My oldest son took me out for lunch at the Chinese buffet the day before to celebrate. I think he likes the one on one time. He actually can talk to me without getting interrupted! Some days that is quite a challenge. It's hard when you are in such high demand! He is growing up so fast and is acting more and more like an adult by the minute. Again, can we slow things down a bit? I remember when he was such a little squirt. Seems like only yesterday.....

My dear husband was able to sneak away with me for a rare, quiet lunch together. I cherish those moments especially since it doesn't happen very often. He has declared this month a birthday month for me and his desire is to bless me the whole month long with doing things for me whether it be cleaning my microwave out (don't laugh, that is a blessing to me since I can't seem to get anybody to do it and can't quite get to it myself) or bringing me my coffee or sending me texts full of appreciation and love for me. It's been a joy being the recipient of all those things. It's amazing what the little things do for this heart of mine! He's a great guy! I'm truly a blessed woman!

The whole day was absolutely wonderful! I am feeling full to the top not only with all the food of the day but full of the love of my family. It's good to be reminded of their love and care. It certainly helps me swallow the fact that I am another year older.

Sisters!

I love that my girls have each other. There is nothing quite like a sister can be. There is so much to share with each other, so much that you experience growing up together, so much you have in a sister. Believe it or not, I've told my kids that they can be 'best friends.' Gasp! I know! The very idea of it! But, I know it can happen! I love seeing their relationships grow and develop. I love how much they miss each other when one is away from the other.

Recently, my older daughter got a chance to spend some much needed time with her best friend. She was gone for two whole days. Kara, our five year old, missed her so much. She even had herself a good cry when she first left and spent the next two days counting down the minutes till the return of her beloved older sister was here. It's good to be missed!

One of the most awesome things that I love to hear is when Grace, Kara and Liliana get together in the other room and I hear the giggling girls. It warms my heart to see how Grace will take them and have tea parties, paint their toenails, do crafts with them and all around have fun together. The little ones eat that up like it was candy!

It truly is a blessing to have sisters who are also your friends.

Happy New Year!

Can you believe it is already the beginning of a brand new year. Where did last year go, I ask myself? Seems like as you get older that time seems to go faster and faster. Maybe it's just me or maybe that is how it is.

We had a great Christmas season. Spent time making special treats, building a gingerbread house which the kids loved, enjoying our new home and the beautiful outdoors. There is something about the country and freshly fallen snow. It's beautiful. The city seems to suck the life out of it and I didn't notice that till I've just recently experienced some of the changing seasons in our new home in the woods.

Watching our littlest one experience the tree, the lights, the snow, the cookies was delightful. It usually is. You forget from year to year to look at things from a little person's perspective. Perhaps that is why Jesus has a special place in his heart for them. Their innocence and trust in Him without abandon must truly touch the heart of God. I know when those little eyes look to me to comfort, to provide, to care for whatever is the need at hand squeezes at my own heart.

I am so thankful for the gifts and blessings that the Lord has graciously given to me and my family. I think of where we are and what we are experiencing now and I know without a shadow of a doubt that it was the hand of the Lord. I am so glad that He loves us and that He has provided a way for us to be with Him in eternity...through his birth, life, death and resurrection...we can truly live.

Happy New Year!

Welcome back!

As you noticed, I recently took a break from the blog world but I'm baack! Aren't you excited? Ha! Life has continued on at rapid speed and we've had much life happen as we have bumbled along which I will share with you in the future.

I just wanted to take a moment to let you know that I haven't forgotten you or lost interest in writing about our adventures. Right now we are enjoying the changing seasons from the bright, beautiful fall colors to the first flurries that are tickling our noses.

Stay tuned...

Blindsided By Bubbles

Do you ever have those moments while you are out shopping and you find something that appears really fun for the kids so you get sucked into buying it? Well, I've had many of those occasions. I'm sure I'll have many more. I'm feeling impelled to share one of those lovely experiences with you.

I was recently perusing the local Target store which is one of my absolute favorite stores to do this in. I can very easily lose track of time there. I happen to come across these cute little bottles of bubbles. The kids absolutely love bubbles. Bubbles are a fun anytime kind of activity.

These bubbles were a very special kind. They happen to come in many colors. Have you ever seen fun colored bubbles? Crayola Colored Bubbles. They sounded like so much fun. I could envision the beautifully colored bubbles floating through the air with the lovely sounds of squeals of delight coming from all the kids. Oh how very fun these were going to be!

First, as a mother whose gone through many trying

moments of panic because a kid had ingested a fun product and/or had ruined a few pieces of clothing, made sure that they were non-toxic and washable. Check. Second, as a mother who has many children who tend to fight over whose toy is whose, made sure that she got each child a different color so we would know whose was whose. Therefore, hopefully bypassing a few squabbles. Now I realize they could potentially fight over the color but we are thinking good thoughts here. Check. Third, as a mother whose bought many items through the years, made sure it was a good, tried and true product. Bubbles have never let me down. Check

I happen to have had to be gone all the next day and the kids were anxiously awaiting the time when they could test out these very fun bubbles. It is no fun waiting and waiting when you know there is something you just need to test out. How can you resist fun? Why would your mother make you wait so long?? Apparently, the kids were nagging their father to be able to play with them. It was just too cold for them to do them outside so he suggested they go down and blow them in the basement.

During the day, I get a phone call telling me that the landlord and the washing machine repairman are coming over around 5:30 p.m. I come in the door around 5:00 p.m. and just happen to glance down the stairs as I was flying into the house to throw dinner together. All of the sudden, it hits me that what I saw was pure madness of color....everywhere. I went back to take look and found colorful bubble splotches everywhere. When I say everywhere I mean everywhere. Ceiling, floor, walls, shelves. I hear they were having a bubble race and Aaron won. They also mentioned they didn't like the color of the walls and they decided they were going to help with that.

All I could think of is that the landlord and the repairman were going to be there momentarily and that is what they were going to see. So after asking my husband what possessed him to suggest the kids blow the bubbles in the basement, I asked my oldest son to help me clean it up rather light speed like.

Thank goodness the floor is laminated and the walls are also so it was a fairly easy clean up. It was just a rather big area with little bits of time to do it in along with it not really being the best time for it to have happened. But is it ever? I wish I could have gotten a picture because a picture is worth a thousand words.

To top off this little experience, the next day, early in the morning, while the parents were still sleeping, the cute little kids decided to go at it again with those lovely bubbles. This time I got a picture but it just isn't the same because they had used most of the bubbles up the day before. Hopefully, you will see a small glimpse of the fun they had.

I have since seen the commercial for this product. I see all the kids running around outside blowing the colorful bubbles having a grand time and I think to myself, perhaps, they should have consulted my husband and had the next scene show a dad telling the kids to blow them downstairs in the basement and then enters the mom....

To Immunize or Not to Immunize....

This is quite a controversial topic. I know people who are very passionate for both sides of this issue. I, for one, go through these 'am I doing the right thing' moments from time to time and have to reevaluate our choices on many different topics. This is because I don't want to make a mistake. Isn't that a question that most parents fret over in the decisions they must make for their children? Am I doing the right thing? How will this affect them in the years ahead?

It's tough being a parent. Much has to be decided and with all decisions, there are consequences for the good and for the bad. I get tons of information sent to me regarding the topic on immunizations/vaccinations. I get this information from both sides. All say they have the real facts and the real statistics. Who do you listen to? How do you really make an informed choice? How do you know their opinions aren't based on political agenda's and how much money they are making or being supported by others who have a certain agenda? One side is trying to sabotage the other and in the midst of that war, what is best for the children get's lost. It really is tough to know the truth.

On one side, I know personally families who have been greatly affected by the choice to immunize. Their childrens lives have been forever changed. I also have a child that was affected by an immunization. Even though it was a brief reaction and didn't have too much of a lasting affect, it was scary. Not having a supportive doctor also affected the situation greatly. So where do you go from there? If one is affected, will your other children also have a tendency towards reactions? Do you risk it? It's like Russian roulette.

On the other side, if you don't immunize, is it of greater risk to possibly catch these diseases? What if your child gets something later down the road? Will they survive? There are even people out there who would love to sue the shirt off your back for you not immunizing and putting others at risk for catching something you have. Some even claim that not immunizing is child abuse. There is a possibility that these immunizations can cause cancer, autism, abdominal issues, neurological diseases, narcolepsy and even death. Which is worse, the disease or the side effects? Which do you choose?

And why oh why, are people so worried about exposing your children to lead, formaldehyde, mercury and other poisons so much so that they place certain laws in place to keep them from it in the environment but willing sign off on it for vaccinations stating that it is perfectly healthy to put it into shots for babies and toddlers. How do you justify that? It's not ok to breathe it but it's ok to shoot it into your child's leg via a shot? Something just isn't right about that.

So here I am again, revisiting this awful choice I have to make. I feel much like no matter what choice I make, the outcome isn't pretty and it's not the right one.

Gobble! Gobble!

No matter how much I try to sneak some new dishes in each holiday, the kids refuse to give up their stuffed eggs. Grace had the pleasure of making them this year and they were mmmm...mmm..good!

Aaron is our picky eater. There are only a few items in the whole wide world that he will eat. I remember when I said I will never have a picky eater and then, we got Aaron. Never say never....! A round of corn dogs for his special Thanksgiving meal and he was one happy kid.


Some people got a little nap before dinner. I know...I know...usually that happens after the yummy meal. Guess we are resting up so we have lots of energy to partake of the feast! Don't worry about the drool....he's only dreaming of the Turkey and double layer pumpkin pie!


Look who's cookin??!! Don't you just want to gobble her up?!!


Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!

Surprise!

Miss Lil' has her first tooth!~

Living with Chronic Pain...

It's hard to know what to say. We are struggling. Some days are tough to get through. Some days are not so tough. Mostly I just feel helpless.

Bob has been through test after test after test, treatment after treatment, after treatment. The doctors are scratching their heads at the results. Nothing is really coming back with anything that is explaining the debilitating pain that he is in daily. The only real evidence is that he has eleven damaged disks in his back which were not giving him trouble till he started physical therapy last Fall. It doesn't explain the pain he experiences day to day in other places for the last three and a half years.

This last treatment they tried was to see if they could do a nerve ablation. In order to do that, they injected steroid shots in the area where they thought would be the nerves that were giving him the most trouble. It didn't work as the doctors suspected since the previous steroid shot treatment didn't work earlier this year.

From what we understand at this point is that what the doctors are suspecting is that when Bob had his gall bladder surgery, it disrupted his nervous system for whatever reason and now it is just misfiring. They see this in some people who have had surgery. It leaves them in debilitating pain. You just don't know how your body is going to react to a surgery.

This debilitating chronic pain could morph into a fibromyalgia state which we've kind of seen. His pain started in the gall bladder area and ran along that nerve that runs across the bottom of your rib cage to pain in his back, pain in his arms, pain in his sides. It's just pain....awful, awful pain. He wakes with pain, sleeps (when he can) with pain, eats with pain, lives with pain. It never ever goes away.

The deeply disappointing news is that there is no cure for it. For Bob, this means a life of pain management. We knew it could be a possibility but still held onto hope that there would be something they could do to fix it so that he could have some relief. It is a devastating blow to hear the reality that that is not going to be the case. That for the rest of his life we are going to be living with this. I say 'we' because this doesn't just affect him, it affects our whole family.

It affects how we start our day, how we do things, how we go places, how we go to bed for the night, it affects everything and every moment of our day as a family. It is hard for people to understand as it isn't something you can see until it builds up to a debilitating level which it does throughout the day based on his activity level or just because. Sometimes he crawls into the house after being somewhere because I can't carry him. Sometimes, he can't cut up his food, pour his coffee or take a shower. It's a very humiliating state to be in.

In spite of our recent eviction notice, our recent denial of disability for the second time, and facing the recent reality that this isn't curable, we are holding onto God, the One who created our bodies and knows our every pain. I am holding on to the promise that He will restore the years the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25) that He is a strong tower (Provers 18:10) and He will provide what we need (Matthew 6:25).

Don't get me wrong, we've all experienced major frustration, deep disappointment and even anger. I've thrown my own set of temper tantrums and experienced doubt. Then I've had to quiet my soul and ask for forgiveness. God knows all of our thoughts even before we know them and yet, He still loves me, He accepts me for who I am and is deeply concerned about me.

I have to remember that His ultimate purpose in all of these trials is for my good and His glory. Not the kind of good I think of because to me that is all about my comfort here on this earth. His kind of good is all about the state of my heart spiritually. We are suppose to be becoming more like Him, less like the selfish me along with my faith being developed through tough times (James 1:2-4).

I am so thankful for the whispers of encouragement He sends through His people, for His unconditional love, and knowing that I don't have to try to 'do' this on my own. He promises to never leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).

A Day Of Learning

We recently took a trip to the zoo. This takes a bit of planning these days to do things like this especially with a crew of this size, six kids, two adults, stroller, diaper bag, cooler, etc. One wonders if maybe they should put the car top carrier on for such an occasion.

Upon arriving at the zoo, we noticed a sign for members only pointing to a special west entrance for just those special people. We thought it would be an excellent idea to use this entrance as there weren't as many people and you could park really close making it easier for Bob to get to.
One of the requirements for us to enjoy our time at the zoo was to get a scooter for Bob.

Upon unloading the van and all of it's contents, we began our journey into the zoo. We found out that at this special entrance, there were no wheel chairs, scooters, wagons or other such equipment available to make the trip through the displays easier. We had to make our way to the very back to rent the scooter. Bob thought he could make it so we continued on....

After making a few stops at various animal displays on our way to the back of the zoo, I noticed that we were losing Bob. He began to hurt pretty bad so he was slowing down to a crawl. I realized he wasn't looking to good, he was really pale but he was smiling. I think he was just glad to be doing something with us instead of being stuck at home. You don't realize what a blessing it is to be with your family and to be able to do things without hurting so when life events occur and you have it to deal with, you push and fight to regain just a moment of that in the midst of your struggles.

I did have a brief moment of panic though. I thought we were going to get stuck in the middle of the zoo with him not being able to move. I wondered what I would do with the baby and the other children while trying to help him. I realized that we can no longer just go do things randomly but have to think about things like: Is it handicap accessible, do they have medical personnel on board if needed, do they have scooters at the entrance, how far is it, etc. We even have to think about the car ride there and back. This being our first big family activity since Bob got sick was a bit of a comedy of errors. We will know what to do to make it easier and better for all next time.

By taking small breaks and walking very slowly we managed to get to our destination only to find out they didn't have any scooters available at that outpost. Sigh. The attendant must of suspected he wasn't doing well because she called up front and insisted that one of the security guards drive the golf cart to the back to pick Bob up and take him to the front to pick up a scooter.

The kids had a lot of fun even though we wasted much time just trying to get the scooter. They enjoyed being driven around on the scooter. I think that was a highlight for the younger ones. The other highlight was the spray misters they have throughout the zoo making it more bearable on a hot day. I don't think the zoo intended those to be used to soak oneself but hey, when you are a kid, soaking yourself is super way cool.

I am looking forward to our next trip back there hopefully in the next month. We will know better how to handle things, therefore, giving us more time to see more of the animal displays. Sometimes life is all about handling new situations with grace and that is what we are trying to do. In the process, it makes you more compassionate for those who struggle on a day to day basis.

Ryan's Big Day

We recently celebrated Ryan's big day! He is now nine years old and is glad about that. Nine is a fun age to be. One of the things he absolutely loves is animals so a trip to the zoo was a perfect idea but it had to wait until the next day due to the weather. Ryan is absolutely thrilled that his number nine birthday is finally here because he is a man now. Arm pit hair is just around the corner as this is something he is looking forward to. Why do kids always want to grow up faster than they are?

One of the highlights of the day was the downpour of rain that made ginormous puddles in the parking lot which we zoomed through with the car making huge waves. This apparently humored him to great lengths. His older brother ran through them soaking his shoes and shorts which left Ryan not wanting to be left out of that fun. It became a fun sport between the two of them and as I watched them enjoying their rascally moment, I tried not to think about the wet shoes. They'll dry, right??!!

One of the items he wanted for his birthday was a paddle ball so we went on the search. I didn't realize how many stores I would have to go to to find such an item. Believe it or not, we finally found it at the grocery store. Crazy. Perhaps now he'll practice hard and become the world paddle ball champion which is his goal. Ah, I love that kid.

He wanted bratwurst and lemon cake for his special dinner and that is what he got. All in all, it was a fun day with a very fun boy (I mean man).

Happy Birthday, Ryan!

A Trip to the Slurpee Shop

Many moons ago, I implemented a reward for my kids during their potty training expeditions. The disclaimer was that it wasn't for 'peeing' but for the big one, the one that makes a mess and stinks really bad. If you know me, you know how much I hate poop. So it is worth every penny and my time to take them to the local 7-11 for a lusciously cold slurpee that consists of a sample of 40 flavors just so they will have tons of encouragement to put the poo where it is suppose to go.

Now in theory, my plan was to take them once a week but somehow it got all scrambled up in their minds to where they think this should be a daily occurrence. In a perfect world where sugar isn't an issue and neither is my bank account, that would be fun but reality is reality. We shoot for once a week but sometimes life is busy and we don't get there for two.

With all that has gone on over the last year, we've had some hurdles to overcome with our now four year old. She is now potty trained. It took about 2 days and boy, does she love the slurpee reward! So off to the slurpee shop we go. However, I have an 8 year old and a 6 year old that think that reward was instituted for life. Since everyone has been extremely helpful this past week, I took three of the younger ones all at the same time.

Now boys will be boys and once we got to the 7-11, they bolted out of the car like a bullet. This is not what they are suppose to do but the desire for this cool treat must have erased from their minds, the rules we have in place. I must admit that it takes a few minutes for my four year old to get out of the car. She has to unbuckle her seat belt, then she climbs in the driver's seat along with taking a few minutes to inspect everything. You just never know what treasure you'll find in the car. She has to come out my side of the vehicle every time. Why you ask? Because she loves me and she wants to go wherever I go. Waiting for her just takes too much time for two rascally boys.

Did you know that it's very hard for a four year old girl to make a decision on what cup she wants? While I was trying to encourage her to decide on one, my 8 year old had grabbed his cup, placed the dome lid on and had placed his under the blue slurpee spout turning it full on. Blue slurpee spurted out everywhere. I mean everywhere...on the floor, filled the disposal tray under it, coated the top of it and covered his hand that was holding the cup..did I mention the floor?? Do you think we were the only ones getting slurpee's? No, nope, noway. There was a line behind us because everyone else had the same idea of taking their kids there. I could almost hear the 'sigh's' escaping the mouths of the parents behind me. We almost got ran out of town!

After I cleaned up the mess, apologized profusely to the line of people behind me, got the kids their slurpee treats, reminded them about waiting for me and not leaving my side, we paid for these delectable treats and managed somehow to get back in the car. All of the sudden, I was feeling very, very tired. What if I curled up in the back seat for just a few moments. Do you think anyone would notice me sucking my thumb?? Instead, I opted for driving these cute little ones home. As I looked in my rear view mirror, I saw lots of smiles and heard lots of giggling as they were sucking down their treats. I see why God made children so cute. They can turn your clenched teeth into a laugh very quickly. Their giggles were my reward! I can't wait till next week....

A Temptation Too Great...

This past week, we had some beautiful weather. It sure seems like a waste to just stay inside. So I got rather ambitious and loaded all six kids up in our van and headed on over to the park. It was my first adventure with all six of those cute little people...well, some of them are not so little anymore but taller than me.

The thing about kids is that they come with stuff like one wanted his scooter, one needed a stroller, one wanted her precious animals (the stuffed kind), and this goes on and on depending on the particular moment and the particular child. Let's not forget the diaper bag, the camera, drinks because you just need a drink when you are at the park. By the time, you load everyone up and all this stuff, you feel like you need a trailer to hitch onto the back of the car. It really truly is an adventure just getting to the car.

So we get to the park and everyone bolts out of the car much to my frazzlement (yes, I know that is not a word...it is one in my own personal dictionary though). Trying to keep them all together and not let them run around in the parking lot or disappear into the park before I know where they were was my first encounter at the park that day. Actually, at that point, I truly had had enough fun for the day and we could have just packed the van back up and headed home. I would have been satisfied that we did something...together.However, that would have caused much distress to some of my kids since they had their little hearts set on exploring the world at the park.

So my next brilliant idea was to go check out the fountain at the back of this park before we got settled by the slide. We've been here once before but I never got past the playground. I heard the fountain area was very nice and wanted to see it for myself.

Let me tell you...I should have known that whether it be a mud puddle or a beautiful fountain filled with water..it calls to my children. It doesn't matter that the sign says 'stay out of the fountain'. The temptation is just to great and before I knew what hit me...I had three kids playing in the water drenching themselves from head to toe. Do you think that in all the stuff I brought, that there was anything to dry off with. Of course not!

All and all they had fun splashing around in the water and Ryan was pleased as punch that the 'park people' didn't yell at him to get out. Perhaps, I looked like a frazzled mother and they felt sympathy for me or perhaps, they saw all the kids who were also as tempted as mine on such a warm day and decided not to say anything. I personally probably should have made them get out but they were having so much fun and I was glad for something to entertain them besides me. I do think that making a park and placing the fountain so close to the playground where the temptation is greater than the strength children possess is just too much to resist. I mean, really, who planned that one???


Needless to say, we never made it to the slide or the swings. The younger ones now refer to that park as the 'water park' and cannot wait to go back. Should I send a note to the 'park people' to drain the fountain before we come or should we just let it be is the question of the day. I think Liliana had the right idea. It was a great day to take a nap! If only she knew what fun she missed...

Welcome Home!

Our third birthday celebration for May is the birth of our newest child, Liliana Hope Marie. She is perfect right down to her toes.

I am so thankful to God for the last nine months. In all that we were dealing with surrounding Bob, God gave me the strength to not only have a very healthy pregnancy but also to help Bob through his health struggles. I won't lie, it was tough. It's hard on a normal level to be point person for someone who needs help with their care, for five children and to be pregnant on top of it. I felt God's precious grace the whole time.

I ended up having to be induced. Not something I was overly thrilled about but I have never carried a baby past my due date. This was a first for me as I am usually 7-14 days early (which I was counting on). God answered many prayers for this little one and for myself:

At 37 weeks, we found out she was breech. Surprise! So a C-Section was scheduled. We had many people praying especially all those lovely ladies at 5 points church. Bob had laid his hand on my stomach and prayed over me the night we found out she was breech. Two days later, we went in to another ultrasound and she had totally flipped around and got herself in the right position. The doctor was so amazed. He said he just doesn't see that very often. I will never forget the look on his face when we gave him the news. He called the hospital to get confirmation of the ultrasound and then, canceled that c-section. We know that was God!

I was very concerned with how I was going to get to the hospital should I go into labor. Who is safer to drive? A woman in labor or a man who is on narcotics for pain? God worked that out even though being induced wasn't what I wanted. At least, we were both at the hospital before either of those concerns where an issue.

While in labor, she was posterior but by the time she was ready to be born, she, again flipped around and came out just the way she was suppose to. Again...God worked that out.

And finally, one of the concerns I had that gave me great anxiety was Bob. I prayed and prayed over the last few months for him. I worried about how he was going to get through labor and delivery as I know he has very little time between pain medications that provide any amount of relief. I worried that he was going to be curled up in the fetal position in the corner while I was giving birth to our daughter. I even worried that he wouldn't be able to be there. But God provided a miracle. He overdosed Bob on HIS grace allowing the pain meds to work longer and allowing him to be there for us. It was a true testament to the power of prayer and God's sufficient provision. God is amazing and I thank him over and over again when I think on the events of that day. Not only did God give me the gift of my husband but he also blessed me with another amazing little child.

Welcome to our family, sweet little one...

15

Our second birthday celebration in May is for our oldest. He is now 15. I have to keep reminding myself just how old he is because I just can't believe that that much time has gone by since I had my first child. If only you could slow time down just a bit....

Unfortunately, birthdays, holidays, special days all come whether you are financially ready to celebrate them or not. I am afraid this birthday was a bit of a disappointment as he had big plans for how he wanted to celebrate. He decided that his birthday is on hold for now until we can get to where he wants to be in order to do what he had planned. I am hoping he isn't still waiting when he's 35.

I think it's harder to come to terms with life situations as older children. The younger ones are somewhat oblivious to their parents financial struggles and are more easily pleased with the little things that we can do for them. It is a tough place to be in as a parent because I am completely disappointed myself in what I couldn't do for him. My heart breaks every time a situation comes up like this and I have to tell them I just can't meet their wishes.

On the flip side of that, it is a good life lesson. Life doesn't always go as planned and sometimes we have to adjust and come to terms with that. I'm still learning that myself. It's not a lesson I like to learn. I want to be able to do what I want and it's difficult to not be able to. We have to be very careful that we don't let these disappointments fester inside us and turn into bitterness and hatred, growing our hearts cold.

I know that birthday presents and going out to eat are all superficial things. These things are not what we live for. However, I think it's alight with God to enjoy those things as long as we don't make them our central focus.

The one thing that we are rich in is the love we have for each other. I know to a 15 year old, that isn't what you are concentrating on and it's hard to keep everything in proper perspective. But...it's the truth. Love is what we have to share....the love of Christ in us and the love we have for one another. I hope and pray that someday my kids will all look back on this time and see that shining brighter than all the pain and struggles we endured....that and the giant chocolate chip cookie we had instead of a cake.

Turning 4

May is a busy month for us. We now have 3 birthday's to celebrate. The first one being our Kara, who is now the big '4'. On the day of her birthday, Bob asked her if she felt any older and she told him she felt like she was 11. Should I be worried??

We asked Miss Kara what kind of cake she wanted and her choice for this year was pink cupcakes with pink frosting. That was fairly simple or so I thought. Have you ever had a 4 year old 'helping' you? The pink cupcakes were a hit with her. However, the next day she asked me when her birthday was. So we talked about how she had cupcakes the day before. She looked at me with a puzzled look and informed me that was not her birthday because we didn't have a round cake. Either she was trying to get a second birthday out of the deal or she really thought she should have a round cake and pink cupcakes. Maybe next year I'll get with it.

One of her prized gifts was a Cinderella polly pocket. It came with Prince Charming, a carriage and a pony. I had thought this was a great gift for her considering the fact that she was asking for a pony for her birthday. Earlier this year, she had been asking for a dragon and a puppy until her brothers informed her that dragons are fire breathing creatures. She decided she didn't want the puppy burnt up so she changed her birthday wish to a puppy and a pony.

She was a bit disappointed in the polly pocket set because the carriage would only hold Cinderella. She asked me why they didn't make it so both her 'guys' could fit. I was wondering that myself. Perhaps, we should send a suggestion to Mattel.

Unfortunately, Cinderella didn't last too long. Her 'boys' (brothers) got to playing too rough with her new present and popped the head off of poor Cinderella upsetting one new four year old. The hilarious thing was that she decided to play with the headless Cinderella until her mama could get to the store to get her a new one. So we have this headless polly pocket toy in our possession which I don't dare throw out until I can get a replacement. We talk about how this is going to get rectified daily. She never forgets and is always willing to remind me....just in case, I forget.

More Tests....

It's been a whirlwind of a month full of doctor appointments for Bob and I both along with more tests for Bob, the final countdown for the baby's arrival with a sprinkling of kid activities thrown in there. Just reading that makes me tired, for sure. I am not sure how we fit it all in but there it is....Life.

We got the results back from Bob's EMG test and everything looks good. This is frustrating and it is awesome news all wrapped up into one neat little white sheet of paper explaining all this from the doctor. We very much want to find out what is going inside Bob's body but at the same time are praying so very hard that it is not something terminal while trying to maintain some kind of hope that it is curable. Since we still haven't any answers and considering Bob's pain level when getting that test done and the result being good, the doctors, who are scratching their heads in disbelief, prescribed a myelogram test.

It is not a fun test to have especially when you are in severe pain constantly. They remove a small amount of your spinal fluid and inject same amount of dye at the base of your spine. Then, while you are laying on this table with handles to hold onto, they tip your head down to let the dye run from the lower spine all the way up. During this process, they take lots and lots of pictures.

In Bob's situation, they injected the dye which decided to just get caught in his lumbar spine and stay there. We now know it's because he's got some bad disks in that area along with some arthritis which makes it more difficult to get the dye past. After repeated attempts of trying to get the dye to move on up the spine, they were somewhat successful but the poor guy was put through the wringer to get this to happen. As he was lying on the table crying, the doctors were trying to decide whether to proceed any further to try to get it up into the C-Spine area which is the neck area. They decided not to.

After they completed the test, Bob had to stay in the hospital for several hours to monitor the spinal area. Spinal fluid loss is just not a good thing. He was released to go home later that day with strict instructions to do absolutely nothing. You do not want the puncture in the spinal area to break open. So for 48 hours, I watched for any signs of leaking and had to become the armed drill sergeant to keep him from trying to do anything.

He didn't do too badly for the first 24 hours except for a bit of a headache which they said was normal. However, by late evening and early morning following that, his head was hurting so excruciatingly bad that I ended up taking him into the ER. Apparently, the fluid can leak into the muscle tissue and not be visible to the eye since it's leaking on the inside which was what was happening to Bob. He had a spinal headache that was making him throw up. They did a procedure called a 'blood patch' which provided relief in just a short period time. After a couple of days, he started up with another headache but not quite as bad this time. This is apparently normal also as your body is trying to rebuild the lost spinal fluid. Definitely, not a fun test to have.

We saw the doctor yesterday regarding the results of the myelogram. It showed that in the lower spine he's got some arthritis and disk herniation along with a couple little spots of spinal narrowing but nothing that should cause him this severe of pain or any of what is going on with Bob. Since every test he has had is coming back mostly fine, the doctor wants to revisit the idea of Fibromyalgia. There is no test that can confirm completely that is what is going on. It is a process of elimination. His symptoms kind of go along with that theory. They have him started on a new medication to see if it helps. So they will be testing that on him for the next few weeks to see if there are any changes.

In the face of that diagnosis, we are dealing with some disappointment because there is no cure. Just as we have for the last three years, we are trying to find a way to function, to live and deal with the debilitating pain that has become such a part of our lives. To come to terms with the fact that was once normal may never be again. To trust God with it all and allow Him to make some kind of good out of it. We have to put our lives, the lives of our children, our hopes and dreams and plans in the hands of God.

It is very difficult to give up what you want and to trust God with it all. My independent spirit wants what I want but God wants us to want what He desires. If we can somehow let go and let God do what He does, this whole situation will turn out amazing and glorifying to Him. It's my own selfishness that gets in the way and prohibits God's plan. So once again, I come before the Lord, giving it all to Him and am desperately trying to leave my hands off it. He has promised us HOPE and a FUTURE. He will restore us maybe not as we envision but as He has envisioned and known before time began.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.