Explaining...

Trying to explain death to children is so very difficult. I'm pretty sure Brad and Grace understand it as they are a bit older. We told Aaron who is four. I'm not sure about him. His response was oh, ok. I thought to myself, Hmmm...I wonder what's going on behind that statement. Later that day, I found out.

Ryan in particular was upset about Grandpa's death. He kept saying that he was so upset because he never got to say goodbye and now it was just too late. He did get to go to the hospital but I guess he wanted to be there when it actually happened and wave goodbye. At least, that's what I got from our conversation. Bob explained to him that he was sure Grandpa was very happy with Ryan's hello and he wouldn't have wanted to say goodbye. That seemed to settle him down.

Since Ryan wanted to say goodbye so badly, I tried to get the kids to write/draw a goodbye picture to Grandpa. Aaron is my perfectionist. If he can't do it right according to the rules of Aaron, it's just not going to happen and it upsets him immensely. The picture didn't go so well no matter how much he tried. Perhaps he thinks that the minute his crayon or marker hits the paper, it should look like something that Van Gogh or Monet created. I don't know...it's just a guess.

So I sat him down and had him explain what he was trying to write. I'm not sure how one would draw this on paper so I'm glad he wanted to explain instead. He said that when Grandpa died his heart went down, down, down and out moving his finger down from his heart to show me that it went out his feet. But then he got a big grin on his face and started jumping up and down. He said when his heart starts to 'beep' again then he'll come back to life. I gather from this we are just not getting it and since my father in law is being cremated, I'm sure he won't get where Grandpa is either. Some day....the dawning will come.

Then Ryan drew his picture. Him, with his big round head and bulging eyeballs with Grandpa looking strangely identical, holding hands. Ryan then put a Hallmark gold crown sticker on his own head. I asked him also to explain his picture. He said that they were in heaven. I had to hold my 'aaaccckk' in and remember to breathe since it is so not his time (right, God?!!) but allow him to calmly continue as I practiced my breathing. He said he was going to see his Grandpa to tell him goodbye. Then he was jumping up and down the rest of the day all excited like yelling, I can't wait...I can't wait. I'm thinking to myself, slow down there little fella. I'm glad you are excited about going to heaven but NOT before I do. I calmly told him to hang on to that excitement because Grandpa would love to see him but not for awhile yet. I can only assume what the crown on his head was for. Perhaps because Ryan means "little king" which by the way, fits him perfectly. The other assumption I have is that we were talking about God giving us jewels for our crowns to lay before the King, maybe it came from that conversation. Why Grandpa didn't get one...who knows. I just got a shrug from Ryan and off he went to play...probably nagging God about whether it was time yet or not.

I have many pictures to give Grandpa. They thought we were going to see him personally and give them to him but I explained that he wouldn't be there to receive them. You should have seen the slumped over shoulders that were going on in this house. I quickly told them before I had a mutiny on my hands, that maybe we could give them to Grandma Loretta and maybe that would make her not feel so sad. They liked that idea and I was wiping the sweat off my brow....whew!! This explain' stuff is hard work.